The SYMBIS Assessment PlanSample

Dynamics: Love

“You didn’t need to do that.”

“I know — I wanted to,” Les replied.

All morning I was working like mad to complete a report that was due after lunch. It was an unusually hot, muggy, Seattle morning in August and I was parked at the kitchen table in front of my laptop when Les quietly slipped in and set up a fan to cool the room.

“I don’t know if it will make any difference,” Les said while trying to place the fan in just the right place, “but I thought it was worth a try.”

I don’t know if the fan did anything to alleviate the oppressive heat that morning, but I do recall feeling suddenly soothed by my husband’s kindness. Why? Because he didn’t have to go to the trouble of scrounging around our basement, still wearing his pre-shower bath robe, to find our old fan in an attempt to make me feel better. I didn’t ask him to do it. He never even heard me complain about the heat. He wasn’t looking for appreciation, to make amends, or to get something in return. Nope. This was sheer kindness.

It’s easy to gloss over the simple idea that “love is kind” while reading Paul’s Love Poem in 1 Corinthians 13. But if we do skip over this critical quality of love, we are missing out on one of the most revolutionary relationship-truths in the universe. Kindness is an integral part of love because it stems from an attitude that desires neither monetary payment nor human applause.

Kindness comes from a million small behaviors that enhance the life of the one we love. Make no mistake about it: Once we remove kindness from a loving heart it is only a matter of time before it atrophies and love is lost altogether.

So what will each of you do to make kindness a common occurrence in your relationship? Read through 1 Corinthians 13 together in a few different translations. Hear it with new ears. And consider how each of the qualities of love – including kindness – will be part of your love map together.

Are you reading the book Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts yet? If not, you can learn more here.