Repentance: An Invitation to Restنموونە

Do I Really Want God to Search Me?

Search me, O God, and know my heart;
Try me, and know my anxieties;
And see if there is any wicked way in me,
And lead me in the way everlasting. (Psalm 139:23-24 NKJV)

Only someone who trusts in God's mercy would ever ask Him to search and know his/her heart. 

Don't make the mistake of reading only the first eight words, "Search me, O God, and know my heart…" as if that would be a pleasant experience, as if all your troubles would be over if only God could see how pure your motives are, how noble your deeds, how uplifting your words.

Having God search me is an act of surrender.

Having God know me is an act of humility.

I take no pride in having anyone know who I really am in my heart of hearts, in the record of my wrongs.

But the path to "the way everlasting" leads through submitting ourselves to God's searching, to God's trying, to His rooting out of every wicked way in us.

We have to trust in God's mercy to undo us without utterly destroying us.

Reflection

Do you trust in God’s mercy enough to allow Him to truly search you? To find the wicked ways in you and make you whole?

What are you trying to hide from God in hopes that He will accept you? What are the wicked ways in you that you are not letting Him make whole?

Prayer

Search me, O Great Surgeon. I am diseased and dirty and festering. Dig into this gaping wound of a heart and cut out, burn off, poison, and put to death all that is wicked, and self-seeking, and self-preserving, and unholy, that by Your measure I can be whole.