Developing Emotionally Mature Leaders By Aubrey MalphursSample

Day Five

Working Together

Scripture: Romans 12:2

Some equate emotions with feelings and use the terms synonymously, especially in defining emotions. The two are closely connected but different. 

Emotions are not feelings but produce feelings in our bodies. A feeling usually includes a physiological response, such as sweaty hands, an increased heart rate, or rapid breathing. 

One way we discover our emotions, in fact, is to start with our feelings as expressed physiologically. Feelings are what arise physiologically as the brain interprets emotions. Feelings are the complex reactions of the body to certain stimuli. When experiencing our body’s physiological response (feelings) we should ask, what emotion is causing my body to respond this way? What’s going on in my life from an emotional standpoint? 

For example, when we experience fear, our heart begins to race, our mouth gets dry, and our muscles contract. As we become aware of the stimuli that caused the responses often associated with fear, we can understand what has caused that emotion. 

We also need to realize that what we believe affects what we feel. We cannot force an emotion or experience it on demand. We can’t change an emotion by dwelling on it. We can’t close our eyes, grit our teeth, and repeat over and over that we will be happy, for instance. However, we can change or experience an emotion by dwelling on and changing our beliefs or values that lie behind that emotion. For example, I can’t stop being angry with someone by focusing solely on my anger. However, I can stop being angry if I realize that I’m angry with the wrong person, or my anger is wrong and sinful. By changing the underlying belief that causes it, I can change the emotion, although this may take time. 

In Matthew 6:25–34, Jesus commands that the disciples not worry (an emotion) and then provides a logical intellectual argument for the command (God highly values them and thus has provided for their physical needs). He is teaching that we can change our emotion of worry by focusing on the fact that God knows our needs and will provide for us. In this way, emotions, feelings, and intellect all work together.

Describe a time you were able to change an emotion by changing your beliefs or values.