Overcoming Shame: A 9-Day Video SeriesSample

The apostle Paul instructed us, “Do not be conformed to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind” (Romans 12:2). He was talking about the ongoing power of the grace of God to transform us spiritually, but he was also making a brilliant statement about what happens to us psychologically when we experience grace.

Shame is the feeling that there is something wrong with us that makes us unworthy of love—it makes us feel that we don’t belong. An encounter with grace gives us the experience that we do.

If you are shame-prone you learned to believe the lie that you are not worthy and that you don’t belong every time you feel the feeling of shame; but you can learn to believe something new. As you become consciously aware of your old unconscious lie, it changes. Now you are able to say, “I was convinced for most of my life that I was worthless when bad things happened, but now I can say that I’m not so certain that this is really true.”

Facts can’t change, but beliefs do. This is where grace comes in. The feeling of acceptance is not an intellectual idea; it is a personal experience. Shame-proneness results from damaging experiences that cause us to believe we are worthless; grace is a powerful experience of acceptance that heals this damage.

The rational brain cannot heal shame because shame is not a cognitive distortion; it is an emotion that can get organized by unconscious beliefs that are outside of our rational control. To overcome shame you cannot just do something different; you must be something different. You must experience the renewing of your mind—with grace.

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We hope you enjoyed this plan adapted from Overcoming Shame by Dr. Baker. Discover the real battle you're facing and learn the skills to effectively fight back here.