The Come Back Effect By Jason Young And Jonathan MalmSample

Day Four

Can You Hear Me Now?

Scripture: James 1:19

The seven most powerful letters in the English alphabet are E-M-P-A-T-H-Y. The come back effect involves understanding the emotion of your guest and showing genuine empathy.

Empathy toward your guests starts with being emotionally present, no matter how short a conversation you’re having. For example, being emotionally present means feeling a parent’s anxiety when they can’t find the nursery. It means rejoicing with a guest when they explain how happy they are to have discovered your church. It means expressing concern for them when they misplaced their keys somewhere on the church property (and doing what you can to help find them).

When you are not fully present with the guest, you’re saying to them: 

• “You are not important.” 
• “You are more of a task to be handled than a person to care about.” 
• “You will receive more robotic responses from me than personal ones.” 

When you are fully present with the guest, they hear: 

• “I recognize you. I choose not to look past you, but to care enough to look ‘in’ you.”
• “I am actively listening to your words, your body language, and what you are not saying. I want you to know you were heard and I ‘got’ you.”
• “I want to validate you. I know that being a guest in a church can be intimidating. I don’t want you to feel alone in this.”
• “I appreciate you. I realize you are placing trust in our church. You trust us to take care of your children and to invest in your life with our music, words, and care. I don’t take this responsibility lightly.” 
• “I am giving you my undivided attention. My posture is toward you. I am looking at you. I am not preoccupied with my cell phone, other conversations, or anything pertaining to me. You are my priority.”

Imagine your ministry being the one place where a guest feels truly heard. The one place in their life that feels unhurried and peaceful. We have the opportunity to offer empathy and comfort in a world filled with chaos. 

When we do what we do best, then God does what he can do best. Something amazing happens when we’re fully present for our guests. 

Describe a time when you felt unheard or unnoticed at a church. What made you feel that way?