Reintegration After DeploymentSample

Introduction

During reintegration, you need God’s pure grace, what we call “reintegrace,” to bring you and your spouse back into oneness after deployment. Oneness in a marriage is not just physical, but emotional and spiritual as well. In the same way God gives grace to thrive during deployment, you can extend each other His grace to lead from the excitement-building, heart-racing, glee-producing “Welcome Home” moment through the inevitable adjustments and transitions which challenge a smooth return. 

Reintegrace leads military couples into deeper union with open communication, unselfish actions, patience, forgiveness, and willingness to share your time together after so much time apart. You might even be surprised to find that, because of God’s redeeming grace, your marriage can be better than it ever was before deployment!

The Grace of Daily Mercies 

Michael and Emily never thought they would feel the resentment they are experiencing now that Michael is home from deployment. He imagined he would be able to relax at home and recover from his long months out of the country—living in hostile areas and frequently under fire. Emily imagined he would want to plunge back in their activities and help take care of the kids again after so much time away. After all, she is tired, too. She was really looking forward to sharing life and chores with him again—and he felt she should understand his burden had been more than hers because of the constant danger.

Change is inevitable when a loved one goes off to war . . . and the family at home changes, too. There is often a temptation to “compare” trials. You each endured hardships, and any “one-upmanship” will only create conflict.

But extending daily grace means saying, ”I acknowledge your challenges and expectations. I want to imagine what it was like to walk in your shoes so I can appreciate what you’ve been through!” Initiate conversations, ask questions, and listen carefully to the answers. Be willing to reorder calendar priorities to produce time alone during reintegration in order to cultivate oneness. Looking for ways to honor and serve each other is an intentional daily exercise, and something God will honor since oneness in marriage glorifies God. Each day will bring new opportunities to see how everyone has changed, and how God can bring you back to oneness. 

1. What is the source of Michael and Emily’s conflict? Do you see that happening in your own marriage?

2. What steps can you take to avoid this being a continuing source of conflict in your reintegration?

For more about the importance of grace in marriage, read “4 Tips for Giving Grace in Your Marriage.”