Faith For Exiles By David Kinnaman And Mark MatlockSample

Day Four: Practice 3—When Isolation and Mistrust are the Norms, Forge Meaningful, Intergenerational Relationships 

Scripture: 1 Corinthians. 1:10, 1 Thessalonians 5:14, Colossians 3:13

Consider that this younger generation has grown up in the most corporate (in the business sense) expression of the local church since its inception. Its leaders have often acted more like entrepreneurs and showmen than prophets and shepherds. Meanwhile, churches have lost influence in their local communities. This generation is the first to form their identities—and their perceptions of church—amid high-profile sexual abuse scandals and sky-high levels of church skepticism.

At the same time that the church is fighting back perceptions of irrelevance and extremism, social pressure is leading to more isolation. All of this means that young people have to travel a long road in order to find supportive relationships, inside or outside the church. This leads us to the third practice of resilient disciple making in digital Babylon: when isolation and mistrust are the norms, forge meaningful, intergenerational relationships.

Resilient disciples’ connections in the church are far and away more extensive than others. Our research shows that the vast majority of resilients firmly assert that “the church is a place where I feel I belong” and “I am connected to a community of Christians”. Furthermore, the emotions resilients feel in their churches are far warmer and more positive than others experience. Their churches feel like a family and are made up of people they actually want to be around and become.

Resilient disciples tend to maintain a rich set of friendships and relational connections; they are people people. They exhibit exactly the kind of profile we would hope to see in our own lives and in the lives of those we care about. And this is the case not just because they shake hands with other Christians on their way out the church door on Sundays. Something deeper is going on relationally.

There are two signposts that can lead the way toward meaningful, intergenerational relationships; one is aspirational and the other is reality-based. The aspirational element is best attained by keeping in mind what the church represents—human community shaped by the Holy Spirit. The Scripture readings today evidence this kind of Spirit-transformed, cross-shaped community of believers.

The other signpost is reality-based: people are complex. Dietrich Bonhoeffer reminds us in his seminal book Life Together that we don’t merely bear one another’s burdens; the true burden is bearing one another. We overlook offense. We forgive. We show mercy and grace. 

Living in the tension between these—the great good of Christian community and the lived reality of its imperfections—is hard, soul-crafting work. 

Devotion to those we want to be around is imperative in building relationship. How do you show devotion to those in your faith community?