How to Thrive as a Pastor's WifeSample

Day Two: You are Anchored

When I’ve tried to live up to the title of “pastor’s wife,” I’ve been driven to say yes to every need presented to me. I’ve felt responsible to help my husband fix systems and people’s hearts when they’re broken.

Did you notice my word choices? I have to say yes to every need. I’m responsible to fix hearts.

These word choices betray the belief that I should be able to do everything and be everything that is needed for the people around me. Can you relate?

We must see these thoughts and pressures for what they are: a belief that we can be a type of Christ. I think this is a very common temptation for men and women in ministry, because there are innate rewards in saving, rescuing, delivering, and being the one others depend upon.

The very real truth is that we are not able to ease the sufferings of others, we are entirely unable to produce spiritual change in others, and we cannot be the Spirit of God to them. We are not the Christ.

I take this wording—we are not the Christ—from John the Baptist. The crowds were coming to him, trying to identify and categorize him. They asked, “Who are you?” (John 1:19), attempting to locate him according to what they knew of God’s story.

But what identity anchored him? He acknowledged, “I am not the Christ. . . . I am the voice of one crying out in the wilderness, ‘Make straight the way of the Lord,’ as the prophet Isaiah said.” (John 1:20–23). John rejected any title or identity not clearly given to him by God.

It’s not our title of pastor’s wife that anchors us but rather our identity that does. And what is our identity? We are servants of God for the benefit of others. We may be introduced by a church member as their pastor’s wife or to the sending church as the missionary on furlough, but that is not who we are at the core. Those titles just tell others in what capacity we serve God.

Our identity as “servant of God” is the foundation of all we do. Christ died for us; therefore, we are alive to God, not to ourselves (2 Corinthians 5:14–15). We’re not our own but rather belong to Him. We pour out our life for God’s pleasure.

Confess and repent of allowing other’s expectations to shape your identity. Allowing other’s assumptions to influence your identity creates a burden you were never asked to bear. Receive whole-heartedly your God-given identity: His beloved servant.