Who Will Master You?Sample

Favoritism/People-Pleasing

Introduction

Joseph was his father’s favorite son. Though Jacob’s favor was founded on the positive emotion of love, its effect was detrimental to the family. Joseph’s response to such favor was to please his father. Again, not necessarily a bad thing, but taken to extremes resulted in unhealthy people-pleasing.

The Reasons for Favoritism/People-Pleasing

It is natural to find in others traits we admire. This is how we form affinity groups in society (e.g., You like tractors. I like tractors. So we should form a tractor club!). In families, we sometimes see admirable characteristics in our children, which naturally leads to favor. It can be something we see of ourselves in the child or perhaps something that he/she has/can do that we wanted to be/do but always fell short.

It is not unusual to have this favor be accentuated when we get older. For Jacob, there was undoubtedly the emotion of his favorite wife giving him a beloved son “in his old age.” At this point in Jacob’s life, he had seen the deficits of his other sons and now looked with hopeful favor upon Joseph. In some ways, perhaps Jacob was living vicariously through Joseph. We have a clue in the text when it says, following the phrase in Genesis 37:2, “This is the account of Jacob,” and then tells the story of “Joseph.”

• Did your childhood involve significant levels of favoritism/people-pleasing?

The Effects of Favoritism/People-Pleasing

Keeping favoritism a secret is a difficult task. It often presents in subtle looks of favor or small words of affirmation. However, there are times when tangible gifts resulting from our intangible feelings can create regular reminders of favoritism. This was the case with Jacob’s famous gift to Joseph of the “coat of many colors.”

When in a community/family, the “others” who are out of favor will notice favoritism/people-pleasing and likely react negatively. These reactions are usually the fodder for many family fireworks – as we see in Joseph’s brothers!

• How have you dealt with the effects of favoritism/people-pleasing?

Will Favoritism/People-Pleasing Master You?

• How can you maintain a sober-minded approach to favor in your life?
• When responding to someone else’s favor, how can you please without becoming mastered by people-pleasing?