Learning to Apologize Well in MarriageSample

Loving Righteousness Over Rightness

Apologizing well means loving holiness more than we love to be heard. It means craving righteousness over rightness. This is really hard to do! That’s why it’s so important to invite God to work in our hearts on this. It’s counter to our human nature, but right in line with His.

Calls to repentance, forgiveness, and unity are found throughout the Bible. They would not be there if this wasn’t something we’re prone to struggle with. They are there because throughout humanity, sin has caused relational ruptures, not only between ourselves and God, but also between ourselves and others. Inviting God’s conviction brings relational healing and turns us away from sin and toward Him.

When we are in a disagreement or feeling disconnected from our spouse, it can be hard to hear their perspective without defensiveness. But welcoming our spouse’s perspective, rather than being defensive, is wisdom. One trait Proverbs identifies with wisdom is teachability. Being open to learning and looking for wisdom, rather than defending our position, means growing wiser. Next time you’re stuck in a tense moment with your spouse, check your heart. Are you defending yourself, or are you willing to admit that you might not be right? Are you teachable? Are you listening?

Today, pray that God will increase your love of holiness and hatred of sin. Pray Psalm 139. Ask God to search your heart, know your heart, and convict you. Then follow where he leads.

Don’t assume that you already know what your spouse will say, or that your perspective is the only right one. Look for wisdom, and ask God for it.

Next Steps:

• What does it mean to you to love righteousness over rightness?
• Do you believe you’re a sinner in need of grace?
• The next time you have to apologize instead of getting defensive, remind yourself that because you are a sinner it’s normal for you to need grace from your spouse.
• Pray and ask God to convict you of where you are being defensive and craving to be right.