Belonging and Mental HealthSample

Thawing the Social Deep Freeze: When Quirks are Part of Being Human

I have a friend—let’s call her Carol (not her real name). We met at church about fifteen years ago. She is quirky, and so am I; I just know how to hide my quirks a little better than she does. She lives with schizophrenia.

She is often sitting alone at church. She has been part of the same community for over twenty years. She volunteers on Sundays, Tuesdays, and Fridays. She is the bulletin stuffer and pew sorter, too! Yet, though she is present, she is kept on the outside. She once described her life at church as a “social deep freeze.” You know that feeling you have every so often when everyone is interested in everybody else, and you are put aside for later? That is her constant experience—the social deep freeze. She has gotten used to it. Surrounded by people, yet experiencing social isolation.

Zacchaeus, a short-in-stature collector of taxes, was not given the time of day by his Jewish kin. As a Jewish, first-century tax collector, he served the Romans by collecting money from his fellow Jews. Most tax collectors took more money than was legally required. The crowd assumed Zacchaeus did the same. He was stigmatized, marked by the disgrace associated with a particular vocation.

My friend Carol is snubbed because of her social quirks. And most who know her diagnosis keep her at arm’s length. But what if the Christian community followed Jesus’ example? “Come down immediately; I must stay at your house,” or “Come out of the social deep freeze at once; I must have coffee with you.”

The interesting thing about social quirks is that we all have them. And the closer we get to people, the more we realize we have more in common than we ever thought. In the words of John Ortberg, “Everyone’s normal until we get to know them,”… me included!

Reflection Questions: What aspects of your personality that you try to hide, especially when you meet someone for the first time? What would it feel like to be in the presence of someone who lets you relax and let it all out?

Prayer: For all who live in isolation, we pray for the embrace of a companion. For all who yearn for acceptance, we pray for communities of belonging. May we who follow the way of Christ give and receive the gift of friendship. Amen.

(Written by Sharon Smith.)