One By One: A 7-Day Devotional By Gina DalfonzoSample

“Singles: Keep Out”

On the structural level, to help a church see single people as people, church leaders can help create environments that aid relationship building. One way to do this is by restructuring classes, groups, and activities to include both single and married people instead of keeping them apart. While it can be helpful for single people and married people to have time with others who can relate to their experiences, there’s no good reason that the congregation has to keep being segregated by marital status all the time. It’s a hindrance to the unity of the body of Christ, reinforcing the false message that we need to spend all our time with those who are just like us, rather than imitating Christ by reaching out across artificial barriers. 

Take a look around. How many activities and groups at your church are labeled “Families Only” or “Couples Only,” either explicitly or implicitly? What kind of language do your website and your brochures and your bulletins use? What impression do graphics, videos, small group names, and activities give? 

The thing is every class, outing, and slogan that bears the label “Families Only” also bears a second label that says “Singles: Keep Out.” It may be harder to see if you’re in the favored inner circle, but trust me, it’s there. And single people are following that instruction—often following it all the way out the church doors. 

But the church can change its ways in this area. The body of Christ can learn to show the consideration and respect for each of its members—regardless of status—the Bible commands us to show. To be able to change these things, though, the church first has to be willing to see them. 

Why do you think churches often separate families and singles? What are the advantages and disadvantages of this? How can you help your church become more aware of ways you are excluding singles? Consider your bulletin, announcements, Web site, small group structure, and evening activities. As you look around during a church service, what can you tell about how singles are viewed in your church?