Free to Be Me: Overcome the Comparison Trap and Discover Who God Made You to BeSample

Not all sources of affirmation are created equal.

Several years ago, my wife and I had a difficult conversation. It had been long since she’d said anything complimentary about my preaching on Sundays. I told her I missed hearing about how I was doing.

She said, “I don’t say anything because you always have a long line of people in the lobby after the service telling you how great you are. I figured you needed me to humble you more than I needed to pump you up.”

I appreciated that my wife was sensitive to the temptation of arrogance and ego due to my role and people’s responses. However, I shared something with her that surprised her. I said, “Yes, I do get a lot of positive comments on Sundays. But no one knows me like you. Frankly, I trust your point of view more than anyone else because you know me better than everyone else.”

I could see the light in my wife’s head as she realized I valued her view differently than she perceived. We all value the words of people differently. People who don’t know us and comment on our online posts can hurt or encourage us. But the words of someone in our family or a very close friend can help or hurt us on a much deeper level.

In addition to abstaining from social media or whatever is distracting you from hearing from God, I also want to encourage you to evaluate the sources to whom you’re running for fulfillment.

Through evaluation, we can discern the difference between healthy affirmation and unhealthy validation. How close to you are the sources from whom you’re seeking emotional fulfillment? How much trust and history do you share with these people?

Personally, when I realize I’m looking for people I don’t know to let me know if I’m okay, something is off. I also know something is off when I find myself looking for someone to meet a need only God can satisfy. Even when you’re in a family, a marriage, or a friendship with someone who follows Jesus and cares for you, those people are not God. They cannot meet all of your needs on this side of heaven. We turn people into idols when we look to them for what only God can give.

Jesus quoted Scripture in the wilderness during His fast and fight with the devil. In Matthew 4, He said, “Man doesn’t live by bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God.”

According to the Bible, what God says about us is the truest and most important thing about us.

So, who are the people who matter most to you? Who are the people who are most like Christ and who are committed to your good? Create regular opportunities for affirmation there. Remind them of your need for it, like I did with my wife. Ask them to pray for your battle for a healthier sense of self and a different relationship with social media. When you feel tempted to return to old ways, reach out to these people as they remind you who God says you are. Turn to what God says about you for healthy affirmation, not your apps.

Do you know where in the Bible you can find descriptions of who God says you are? If you don’t, keep reading in this plan. When we get back together for the next reading, I’ll show you how to find those passages of Scripture and how to tune into healthy sources of affirmation.