What It Means to “Fight Fair”

Ephesians 4:15

“Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will grow to become in every respect the mature body of him who is the head, that is, Christ.”

Ephesians 4:2

“Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.”

Proverbs 18:21

“The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit.”

If you’re in a relationship, you’re bound to have disagreements. It’s simply part of doing life with another person. We’re not all the same, and sometimes, our differences can lead to arguments.

It’s how we handle these disagreements that can significantly impact the health and longevity of our relationships. We’ve got to learn how to fight fair.

"Fighting fair" means handling disagreements with respect, patience, and love. It's not about winning an argument but about understanding your partner's perspective, finding common ground, and resolving issues in a way that strengthens your relationship and honors God.

To fight fair means to…

• Speak the Truth in Love: The Bible urges us to "speak the truth in love" (Ephesians 4:15), implying that even in conflict, love must be our guiding principle. This means being honest without being harsh, ensuring that our words build up rather than break down.
• Practice Patience: Be humble, gentle, and patient (Ephesians 4:2), even when you’re frustrated. Remembering to stay calm can prevent the situation from escalating and help you address the issue more constructively.
• Avoid Hurtful Words: What you say holds so much power (Proverbs 18:21). Choose your words carefully to avoid causing harm. By focusing on the issue at hand and not attacking your partner's character, you can work toward a resolution together.

No relationship is void of arguments, disagreements, or flat-out fights. But when you fight fair — in a loving, respectful way — it helps you maintain a healthy relationship. It also shows that you can manage difficult situations together, which builds trust and strengthens your relationship.

Remember, as Christians, our actions should reflect Christ's love and patience, even during conflicts. If you and your partner are struggling with fighting fair, take a moment to pray. Ask for God's guidance to see each other's perspectives and for the strength to handle the disagreement with grace. By inviting God into the situation, you open the door for healing, understanding, and a deeper connection.