5 Days to a Fresh Start: Rebuilding After Divorce or SeparationSample

Day 1

Running From the Mess

The angel of the Lord found Hagar beside a spring of water in the wilderness, along the road to Shur. The angel said to her, ‘Hagar, Sarai’s servant, where have you come from, and where are you going?’ ‘I’m running away from my mistress, Sarai,’ she replied. (Genesis 16:7-8)

Sometimes, the most attractive solution to a problem or uncomfortable situation is to escape. For example, when walking through my divorce, I frequently said, “I just want to run away.” Unfortunately, when reality set in and I realized the many responsibilities and people depending on me—children, car and mortgage payments, and other commitments—the dream of my great escape became a fleeting thought.

Navigating through separation and a divorce can feel like an endless nightmare. A significant part of my healing journey was to acknowledge and embrace the intense feelings and challenges that come with separation and divorce rather than try to flee from them.

Ignoring those legal documents, pretending the betrayal didn’t happen, or minimizing the pain didn’t make my heartache and despair disappear. While pretending could be a short-term way to deal with the suffering, it’s not the long-term healing strategy God has in mind. He has a way of derailing our plans to escape.

In Genesis 16, Hagar, Sarah’s servant, decides to run away because her situation takes an unexpected detour when she becomes the solution to Abraham and Sarah’s infertility problem. Hagar became Abraham’s second wife and got pregnant, and her relationship with her mistress became complicated. The tension caused her tremendous emotional pain, including rejection, betrayal, abandonment, and fear. Even though the mess Hagar endured was not all her fault, God was still faithful to Hagar and blessed her despite it all.

In verses 9-13, Hagar receives a powerful promise from God through an angel. He saw the messy situation and had a better escape plan than her plan of not facing the mess. Hagar learned to trust God to receive His promised blessing. But before trust came, she needed to face her fears, learn how to navigate uncomfortable situations, and swallow her pride.

Like He did with Hagar, God will empower you to face the mess your separation or divorce is causing, even as you process and walk through it. He has a beautiful restorative plan designed just for you. Hagar’s courage and the blessings God provided for her throughout her life can encourage us to trust Him as we face our messy moments.

Promises During Messy Times

•Promise of Guidance. John 8:12: “Jesus spoke to the people once more and said, ‘I am the light of the world. If you follow me, you won’t have to walk in darkness, because you will have the light that leads to life.’”

•Promise of Power and Strength. Isaiah 40:29-31: “He gives power to the weak and strength to the powerless.”

•Promise of Peace. Philippians 4:6-7: “Don’t worry about anything; instead pray about everything. Tell God what you need and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.”