The Desire for ControlSample

Why We Desire Control

At the root of the desire to control is pride, apprehension and distrust. The Bible states the Lord opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble. (James 4:6.)

The reason God detests prideful people is because they are so obsessed with being right, that they completely ignore that it is God's perspective that matters most.

Pride convinces an individual that they are capable of doing everything on their own. But what is most detrimental, is the fact that it convinces its practitioner that they have no need for a savior. This is why God hates pride. (Proverbs 16:5)

For example, one man could have grown up in an abusive home where he was constantly undermined and forced to adhere to strict rules by overbearing parents.

More than likely, the minute he went on his own, he promised himself he would never let anybody boss him around again. Likewise, a lady who grew dejected after being constantly let down by others, might try to control the outcome of her interactions so she can always know what to expect to avoid future disappointment.

The problem with these coping mechanisms is they never really serve their intended purpose and end up severing and damaging relationships instead. You see, when a person has a controlling spirit, they often repel people through their acts of domination. (Proverbs 13:10)

Ironically, the child of the overbearing parents ends up using the same toxic parenting methods to burden his children, thus perpetuating the exact cycle of resentment that triggered his desire for control in the first place.

Similarly, the woman who tried to dictate her fate by avoiding situations where she could not predict the outcome, winds up isolating herself to the point where she develops trust issues which make it difficult for her to relate to others.

Both responses are counterproductive and never really address the root issue to bring about positive change. That is why it is so important to forgive and take our emotions and pain to God. (Ephesians 4:31-32).