SOUL RESET: Forgive Without Compromising Your PeaceSample

Though I'm not proud to say it, I said many mean things about my ex after a messy breakup in college. One day, I realized my words were hurtful and regretted them. I emailed her, saying I was sorry and wanted to make amends. But I hadn’t experienced genuine repentance; it was just regret. I knew this because I kept saying mean things. I hadn't changed!

I'll never forget eating a chicken burrito in an airport restaurant. I opened my computer to check my email and immediately lost my appetite. She had written me back, and her words cut deep. She called out my lack of integrity, questioned my faith, and pointed out how my actions didn't match my words of apology. The truth was, she was right about everything she said.

That moment began my journey of understanding the difference between forgiveness and reconciliation. Though we often think they are the same, these two things aren't the same. Here's the key truth I want you to grasp in this series: Forgiveness involves me. Reconciliation involves us.

The distinction between these two experiences is clearly illustrated in one of the Bible's most dramatic stories of broken relationships – the story of Jacob and Esau. These twin brothers had been estranged for twenty years after Jacob deceived their father and stole Esau's blessing. When Jacob finally headed home, he sent messengers to his brother Esau in Genesis 32. Worried about Esau’s reaction, Jacob included many gifts for the brother he once cheated.

Jacob's heart must have been pounding as he sent those messengers. Would Esau still want to kill him? Had anything changed in twenty years? The messengers returned with news that Esau was coming – with 400 men—an army.

This story illustrates something vital about reconciliation: it's vulnerable, risky, and sometimes impossible. That's why Paul writes in Romans 12:18, "If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all." Notice those first two words: "if possible." Sometimes, reconciliation isn't possible.

Over the next few days, we will explore what makes reconciliation possible and what makes it impossible. We'll examine common myths that keep us stuck, examine what true repentance looks like, and understand why trust takes time. Most importantly, we'll learn why forgiveness and reconciliation aren't the same thing—and why that's good news for those of us carrying deep wounds.

On the following day of this plan, you will be exposed to common myths about forgiveness and reconciliation that hold you back from freedom. These myths have caused countless people I’ve worked with to remain stuck in toxic situations or rush into reconciliation before it's wise. But first, take a moment to reflect: Who comes to mind when you think about reconciliation? What would it mean to you if reconciliation were possible? Or what if it's not possible – how might that change how you move forward?

I’ll see you tomorrow!