Redeeming Anger: Turning Pain Into PurposeSample

Understanding Our Life Cup

Do you find yourself easily irritated and reacting impulsively toward those you love? If so, keep reading, friend, I have some encouraging news for you!

Yesterday, we explored how our emotional buttons get pushed, leading us to react instead of respond. Today, we’re diving deeper into anger, uncovering another key factor influencing our interactions with others.

Imagine a coffee cup representing your soul—your “Life Cup.” We are born with small holes in the bottom of our Cups. If we grew up in a communicative and supportive home, as life's challenges were thrown into our Cup—disappointments, sadness, and struggles—they were acknowledged, discussed, and processed, which allowed emotions to flow through and drain out the bottom.

Unfortunately, sometimes life doesn’t come at us in small, manageable pieces. Instead, we experience overwhelming events like trauma, abuse, terminal illness, or sudden loss—things that deeply impact us emotionally.

If we grew up in an environment where open conversations about our pain and emotions weren't encouraged, we may not have developed the skills to process these experiences. When the weight of these hardships was thrown into our Cup as a “chunk,” it settled at the bottom and blocked the natural flow. Over time, this unresolved pain embeds within us, affecting our present and future, often surfacing in our physical bodies and through our defense mechanisms and reactions towards others.

Life can be relentless, constantly throwing challenges into our Cups. Only the least intense emotions can filter through the partially blocked holes, leaving us carrying an increasingly full Cup when the holes are obstructed.

When our Cup reaches its limit, it takes just one tiny drop—an inconvenience, a frustration—to overflow. At that moment, we either explode, lashing out at those around us, or implode, internalizing the pain, which can fuel negative self-talk and even lead to depression. The intensity of our reaction depends on the situation. It empties our Cup slightly but offers only temporary relief. Life circumstances continue to challenge us, and over time, our Cup fills to the brim once again.

The only way to empty our Cup is to remove and process a "chunk" of our unresolved issues. This can be messy given that a full cup will naturally overflow as we reach in to it. The good news is that through this cathartic process—acknowledging and working through past emotions—we reopen the channels that allow life to flow freely, preventing our Cup from constantly refilling.

Emotional intelligence is the ability to recognize, understand, and navigate our emotions and those of others. It involves regulating feelings, demonstrating empathy, and exercising good judgment in social interactions.

Confronting the events that have filled our Cups rather than living in denial, shame, or anger allows us to build emotional intelligence and cultivate healthy, interdependent relationships.

If revisiting painful experiences feels overwhelming, take heart—there is hope! Starting the process with the support of a trusted friend, mentor, coach, or pastor can help you begin your journey toward self-love and lead to more fulfilling, healthier relationships.

Unlock Your Life:

Journaling can be a significant first step if you're not ready to share your heart with another person. Write down your thoughts and release the weight of intrusive feelings like shame, disappointment, or resentment.

There are no "rules" in journaling. Having the right notebook isn't necessary and you can throw grammar out the window. Allow yourself to write freely, without over-thinking or analyzing your writing. You don't need to pay attention to sentence structure, punctuation, or legibility. Just begin to write...

If you need a place to start, you can begin by asking yourself:

1. What am I feeling today? What excited me or challenged me today at work or home?

2. What are some challenges I have faced in my life? What are the “chunks” (difficult life experiences) blocking the holes in my Cup? Do I have the skills to process those life events? If not, what am I willing to do to get support?

3. Do I predominantly feel fear and shame or love, peace, and joy?

If you're concerned about someone reading what you've written, honor your need for privacy by keeping your journal secure. You might store it in a safe place, like your closet, or even lock it in the trunk of your car. Honoring and engaging your heart can significantly improve your emotional well-being and, over time, enhance the quality of your relationships.

Partnering with God:

Father God, I know that You know every detail of my life and how my experiences have impacted my relationship with You, myself, and others. You know the challenges I have faced and how I have learned to cope. I am tired of having a full Cup, and I am asking You to partner with me as I examine the experiences that have blocked the holes and kept me from the freedom Jesus purchased for me. Lead me to people who can support my desire to heal and give me the tools to reclaim my heart and the life you intended for me to live. In Jesus' Name, Amen!