Restoring Your Soul - Living a Limitless LifeSample

Checking our Perfectionism at the Door

Shame and low self-esteem drive perfectionism. It is motivated by an attempt to win the love, acceptance, and approval of others. Because perfectionism is derived from the belief that “No matter what I attempt to do, it’s never good enough,” while simultaneously believing, “If I’m good enough, I will be worthy of love,” it becomes the ultimate no-win situation.

These conflicting beliefs create a giant catch-22. We never reach the standard we’re striving for, but unless we get it, we don’t believe that we are really acceptable and worthy of being fully loved.

Our need for control, perfectionism, anxiety, and procrastination is all connected. Those issues all stem from the same root: feeling powerless over life’s circumstances, whether past or present. Perfectionists feel like they were entirely out of control of the events that shaped them. To feel in control, they try to manipulate everything around them, including the people and their environment, rather than focusing on the things within themselves.

Perfectionists may appear to have it all together and be incredibly productive in life, but their relationships may suffer if they’re not emotionally connected to their hearts.

Subconscious beliefs related to perfectionism:

• I’m a loser if I can’t be perfect.
• It’s unacceptable to make a mistake.
• I’ll be rejected if I fail.
• I only have real value if I’m successful.
• I only attempt to do something if I can do it perfectly.
• I should give up if I fail or have a setback in my effort to change.
• If I can’t do it right the first time, why do it at all?
• I’ll never be able to grow and change, so why try?

If you “believe” those lies, what naturally transpires in your “thoughts”? How do you “feel”? What "actions” result?

Perfectionism keeps us from being emotionally available. We’re so focused on everything around us that we can’t connect to what is within us or be present with those around us. If we don’t connect to our own hearts, it is challenging to communicate in a way that produces relational connection.

Perfectionism can be a reason we fear success. It keeps us from committing to change habitual, unproductive behaviors because we fear being unable to make the change “good enough” or sustain it. We ponder, if I reach my goal, will I be able to continue and maintain that level of achievement?

It’s essential to consider where perfectionism aligns with living the way we were created and intended to live. How restored is the soul of a perfectionist? Are their motives submitted to God? Is their mind renewed to think the way God thinks, and are their wounds healed?

I Invite You to Ask Yourself:

1. Am I striving for excellence — or am I striving for flawlessness?

2 Do I avoid starting things because I’m afraid I won’t do them perfectly?

3. Do I equate mistakes with being a failure as a person?

4. Am I more focused on outcomes than on the process and growth?

5. Do I allow myself to rest, or do I feel guilty when I’m not achieving?

I Invite You to Pray:

God, thank You for loving me unconditionally and for not judging me for striving for perfection instead of resting in Your love for me. I know that the expectations I set for myself stem from my need to feel valued and worthy. Please continue to show me the areas of my heart that need Your healing, so that I can eventually renew my mind and recognize the difference between attempting to accomplish projects with diligence rather than perfection. I want to think with the mind of Christ and be under Your mission for my life. I appreciate your patience in helping me identify areas of my life that still require your intervention and healing. In Jesus' Name, Amen.