George Smiles From Jane's MarmaladeMuestra

OK, What’s with the title?!!! I use mnemonic devices in life to help me remember things, for instance, BIBLE for me is Basic Instructions Before Leaving Earth. So follow me here: George Smiles From Jane’s Marmalade (GSFJM) is my mnemonic device for GOD, SPOUSE, FAMILY, JOB, MINISTRY. Let me explain…

My wife and I had a very unique experience while we were dating and wondering about committing to the next step, i.e., marriage, as we enjoyed hanging out with each other so much. We started by going to the pastor of our church to ask for “help” in navigating the path to this kind of commitment. “Funny,” he said, “Nobody ever comes to me with this kind of question. People just come to me to ask me to marry them.” His normal course of action was to set a few meetings of counseling and “poof,” ceremony, and marriage license. After hearing our desire to know each other at a deeper level, he gave us his “marriage inventory,” a list of questions that he would give the other folks that just wanted to get married without much input. It basically was a “how do you feel about this” type of thing with multiple-choice answers that might drive some minimal discussion around potential future marriage issues. We filled the questionnaire out and compared notes together and it led to some opening discussions for us, but it also left us feeling inadequately prepared for taking this next step into a BIG commitment that we really did not want to mess up. Each of our nuclear families had its own level of “dysfunction” (whose doesn’t?!!) and we really wanted to address many of these things together before we took any next step in our relationship. I mean, really, wasn’t this the time to decide whether we wanted to spend the rest of our lives together – BEFORE we got hitched?! And frankly, we admitted that we’d like to have some “tools” to deal with anything that might come up in the future.

Based on our level of commitment to this journey, we were connected with an older couple from our church. At first, “Bill & Sally” might not have seemed like our “type,” but I can tell you that the time with them was amazing! It has had incredible value in our marriage over the years. They began meeting with us on a weekly basis. And while things started out “politely” as we got to know each other, it easily moved into very deep and hard questions addressing everything from how we’d discipline children, if we even wanted children, to how to handle money decisions and dealing with conflict in all kinds of situations. They prayed for us, through us, into us. We met almost every Tuesday evening for about 18 months! They challenged us to think about and commit to understanding each other – even in disagreement – and gave us ways to have space if things got too heated while insuring our commitment to honoring each other in our relationship. They gave us rules and guidelines to live by. It really was an amazing time with incredible and tangible insight. What we like to say is that they unselfishly poured into us, cleaned our closets, and gave us a toolbox to work with to address anything that might come up for us as a couple as we progressed through this thing called life.

Now, I understand that not everyone is going to have the opportunity to go through that kind of focused marriage mentoring but seeking God and His ways for unity in life (and in our case, marriage) is important for any person/couple, even if you’ve already been married and/or following Jesus for 10, 25, even 40+ years.

The most tangible thing Bill & Sally gave us was this biblical priority list for life, a list that if you had it in order would help us tremendously in everyday life, no matter what came up. The list was this: God, Spouse, Family, Job, Ministry. So, the mnemonic device came about: “George Smiles From Jane’s Marmalade” from the initials GSFJM so I could remember it easily. The point was this: If you’re living out your life with these priorities in this order - God, Spouse, Family, Job, Ministry – there should be a noticeable difference and “peace that transcends all understanding” that comes from God as a result. This does not mean that life will be easy or that any and all problems will just disappear. Joy is different than happiness. Contentment is different than fulfilling all your wants/needs. A Godly perspective is very different than a worldly one. The world will always try to pull us into its grip, making us get things out of order, pretending that my job priorities should come before my spouse or my family. No way! Hence this list helping us focus on the hierarchy to follow and live in a way that honors God and our commitment to Him in our marriage and to our families and all the other things in life.

You’ll notice a few things here: God becomes before my spouse. My spouse comes before my kids/family. My kids, family, and spouse come before my work. And my work comes before my ministry or spare time “other stuff.” I’ve seen many a pastor or leader in ministry put ministry before even God – and it whacks everything! I’ve done it myself, and when I get these out of order, making a decision that goes against this list, it’s not pretty. I suffer, my spouse suffers, my family suffers, and my relationship with God suffers.

Now, I can tell you I am NOT normally a “three ways to a better marriage,” “seven habits of effective managers,” or “five steps to better sex” type of guy per se, especially given our Instagram, Facebook, and socially engaged, blurb-based, attention deficit, microwave “need it NOW,” media-driven culture. But, I can tell you that this particular priority list has been very effective in our lives, and I use it or refer to it every single day in some form or fashion. I think you will too when you feel it in action.

My hope is that during the seven days in this reading plan, GSFJM will give you some insight on how to live with this easy list of priorities that can truly impact your life from a Godly perspective, protecting your marriage relationship and being a bit more informed and prepared when dealing with big and little issues through the power of God in your life.

HOW DO I GET STARTED?

This is designed to do by yourself, or, ultimately together with your spouse, family, or small group. Obviously, including your spouse in this process will open some deeper conversations in your desire to grow more closely together and live a life following God’s plan instead of your own or the world’s. Spiritual unity in marriage is the goal. You are making a commitment to seek and follow God. Next step: pick a time and location that will be quiet for you to spend 5-10 minutes (or more if you want in a group setting) each day, whether in the early morning, at lunchtime, or in the evening. Bring a notebook with you. As a busy person, I find that a million things will come into my head when I sit down to do this type of focused study/meditation time, so writing down your “to-do” list as it comes up means your brain can let go of those items and you can get back to them later so you can truly focus on this time with God.

THE COMMITMENT

Over the next seven days, do these four things in your daily time:

1. ASK God to show Himself to you. Invite God to make Himself known so that there is no question that the things you will experience are not just some coincidence. And be ready, because I believe God will show up - for YOU!
2. READ the short passages from the Bible that are part of this seven-day adventure. Reflect on them and how they might apply to you. (I recommend picking a translation of the Bible that is easy to read and understand like NIV or The Message. YouVersion has lots of choices!)
3. WRITE things down (we call this journaling) during these seven days so you have a record of what you experience and how this reading plan is working for you. This will help you remember what happens as a launching pad for whatever else happens in life from here forward. You’ll find these “notes” very valuable as the journey continues. If you’re using an old-fashioned hard copy Bible, highlight things that stand out to you and take notes in the margin. You can do the same in the Bible App.
4. MEDITATE on the things that come to mind, in the stories from the Bible that you read. And talk to God like He is a friend sitting right next to you in the room. We call this prayer, and there’s no magic way to do it. It really just feels like a conversation with someone you can trust with everything. Tell God what bugs you, what you’re happy about, who you’re concerned about, and how you’d like help. You might get immediate answers, but you might not. But you’ll be surprised how it affects who you are, how you think, and what you believe as things progress. And doing this together with your spouse will provide another level of intimacy that helps you grow in your spiritual unity together.

Today’s assignment is easy. Find your quiet place. Then start with the following:

ASK God to show up.

READ HEB 11.6-40, PRV 8.17

WRITE down some thoughts about your expectations for the seven days. Be honest.

MEDITATE about your expectations - Talk to God - maybe what you think you’d like to see happen over the next seven days. Be willing to listen to that still and small voice in your head. It may be leading you to some incredible conversations and discoveries over the next few days!