Be Free From PornographyMuestra

Our Hope is in Jesus’ Righteousness, not Self-Righteousness

After asking God to help me stop viewing pornography, I put all my hope in the idea that I could make up for my mistakes. If I did enough good for enough time, then maybe someday I could get back to a place of blessing. Sad as it may seem, the more I resisted tempting desires, the more depressed I became. I hated myself. I hated my choice. I began to act more like a good person, but on the inside I felt like a lie. I thought I could change who I was by changing my actions, and I hoped that eventually my feelings would follow. Because of this, I restrained myself from anything that could possibly be considered wrong. I tried to quit cursing. I hardened myself against TV, video games, and movies that contained questionable material.

The more I pulled myself back, the more I fed my depression. I became trapped in an endless cycle of hopelessness. The more I attended church to feel better, the worse I felt. The harder I tried to forget, the more I discovered that no amount of time would ever fix what I had become. I was like a wounded soldier who thought that layering on more bulletproof vests would fix the bullet hole already in me.

Nothing I was doing was working. At one time, I had considered myself a favorite in God’s eyes. Now I began to fear that perhaps what had once existed between God and me was forever lost.

But I couldn’t see what was coming. God was about to prove to me that His grace is enough for me. He was going to prove I can’t earn his love and favor, but that it’s freely given in the person of Jesus.