Start Where You AreMuestra

Where I Started—Part Two

The rest of my night wasn’t easy. You don’t go from the brink of suicide to sunshine and daisies over the span of a few hours. Like Jacob, I wrestled with God all night long, questioning and crying but ultimately accepting His vast love for me. By sunrise the next morning I knew a new life was also dawning.

Within days of my conversion, I returned home to Oklahoma with nothing but a heart full of new possibilities. I didn’t know where I was going but I knew where to start: right where I was.

If we want God to change us through our mess, we have to be vulnerable enough to let Him in and acknowledge where we are. But we don’t stop there. We can’t walk into the reality of God’s plan for our lives if we’re being dishonest with ourselves. Transparency with ourselves, others, and God is paramount.

I’ll go first.

Growing up, I never even thought about working a nine-to-five job. From the moment I first touched a football, I knew I was special. By my sophomore year of high school, I had a mailbox full of scholarship offers from top programs across the country.

And I might have been, but for the night a wannabe gangster shot me twice in the leg. I allowed my pride to lead me into a dangerous situation—something pride is great at doing, by the way. There would be no NFL stardom for me.

There was no backup plan. So I fanned the flame of personal frustration, which led to depression. I coped with my difficulties by numbing my pain with weed, alcohol, and pursuing women. And because of that, I got smacked upside the head with another truth: fatherhood.

Not long after I found out my son Jerrell was on the way, I also learned that one of my dearest childhood friends, JC, had died from suicide. Between JC’s death and Genessis’s Facebook post, God began to reveal my mission field to me: He enables me to minister to millions online through various Facebook pages, podcasts, and even directly on my phone via a text message service where people from all over send me prayer requests. It’s unbelievable, as God’s plans so often are.

Eventually, I began to get back on my feet. 

So that’s where I started: in a dark bedroom in LA, thinking of ways to kill myself. I confronted my issues—which took time—but God redeemed my darkest moments, then called me to seek His mission for my life.

Where are you today?

Take the time to respond to someone in pain. Ask God to show you who.