Resolving Conflict in MarriageMuestra

Focusing on the Good

The YouTube videos rated the difficulty of the car repair as a five out of ten. Six bolts and a few hoses were all that stood in the way.

With the experience my wife and I have accumulated repairing cars throughout the years, I was sure we’d be fine. Unfortunately, each bolt was just slightly out of reach, and it took us over nine hours just to remove the bad component. We were halfway through installing the replacement part when we realized we had missed a gasket and would have to fight with those same bolts again just to reach it.

Exhausted, we decided to call it a night.

On day two, I went to the garage to start working on the car and thought my wife was right behind me. After an hour of hanging upside down and managing to remove only a single bolt, I came inside to get a drink and noticed my wife kneading dough in the kitchen. Apparently, she wasn’t going to be joining me anytime soon.

I shimmied back under the car and tried to figure out how I was going to finish the rest of the job without her. As I did, my thoughts toward my wife became increasingly resentful.

In Philippians, Paul addressed a conflict between Euodia and Syntyche. Paul encouraged them to get along and asked the people in the church of Philippi to help. As part of his letter, Paul said they should focus on the good.

While it may sound simple, the things we focus on tend to grow. The more I focused on my wife’s absence, the more resentful I became. I was completely alone in the garage, yet I was fighting with her all the same. But what would happen if I followed Paul’s advice and focused on what was “lovely and commendable?"

The truth was my wife knew a quick pizza dinner would probably be all we’d have time for at the end of the day. She also knew we had spent way too much money buying parts for the car. Her dough kneading was not only her way of prepping dinner, but also saving us money.

The more I focused on the good, the more my annoyance level dropped. Which was a very good thing, because, once she joined me, we had a lot of work to do.

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When your spouse does something that annoys you, do you ruminate on the negative or do you give your spouse the benefit of the doubt?