7 Myths Men Believe & the Biblical Truths Behind ThemMuestra

The Myth: “Nobody needs to know I struggle with ___________.”

Okay, I realize it. I have some pretty serious issues with envy. I’m not proud of it. But I do.

One of my friends at church is an attorney. He’s a great guy, but seriously, he’s no smarter than I am. And yet he makes an enormous salary and lives in a huge house.

Another guy in my small group comes from a large and wealthy family. His family is so prominent in the community that he has all kinds of connections. So his real estate business is booming.

I could go on and on about people I know who enjoy all these advantages I don’t have. I try to be happy for them. And I try not to let it bother me. But I can’t lie; it does. Why did I have to grow up in a family without many resources? Why do I struggle to find a job that is fulfilling but also covers my bills?

I’m trying to deal with it, and I pray about it a lot. But the problem never goes away. In a sermon recently, my pastor talked about how important it is for us to admit our struggles. For me, that is never going to happen. Would I really admit being jealous of half the guys at church? Nobody needs to know I struggle with envy. That’s between me and God.

The Truth

If you live in the United States, you likely have been influenced by the idealization of the “rugged individual.” This notion, popularized in media and pervasive in the modern church, is the idea that people don’t really need others; people should do things themselves without the assistance of anyone else; anyone who admits a weakness is a failure; being in need is seen as a character flaw. But if we’re honest, we know that everyone has a unique set of struggles. Stuff. Issues. Call it whatever you wish. The point isn’t so much what specific problems you happen to be dealing with. The issue is whether you should be trying to handle those struggles by yourself.

• Rugged individualism may be a prevalent view, but it’s harmful to both individuals and society. Humans were created to function in community (see 1 Corinthians 12:12–31). God created the church for a reason. We do need others. And they need us. Every man needs a community.

• Take the risk of being open and authentic. There is great freedom and healing in naming and admitting our weaknesses and failures (see James 5:16).

• The great enemy of our souls—liar that he is—whispers into our hearts the scary pronouncement that if we admit our secret problems to others, they will abandon us, betray us, or regard us as sick and twisted. However, honest strugglers will find unexpected support and gain new strength.

• Replace your envious thoughts with grateful ones. When you find yourself envying another person, thank God for something he’s given you.

• Create a list of things you have that others might envy. While it’s easy to focus on what you don’t have, you likely have blessings that others envy.

• Don’t fight your battles alone. Read Ecclesiastes 4:9–12. There is undeniable power in numbers.

• Meet with a trusted friend regularly. Don’t put up a façade. Be real. Open up about what you’re struggling with and commit to praying for each other.

• There is no shame in asking for help, and it’s not unmanly to be scared. Remember Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemane? Even Christ saw the need and the value of struggling in community rather than going it alone (Mark 14:32–34).