Healing From Grief With the PsalmsMuestra

Most people I work with as a pastor grew up in one of two family types.

Some grew up in a family where anger was always present and never restrained. There was screaming, fighting, and maybe even abuse.

Others grew up in a family where anger was never allowed and always repressed. There was a lack of honesty and very little emotion.

In both instances, we need to recognize an important truth. If anger is not possible, neither is healthy grief. Anger is an essential element in the grieving process.

Years ago, Elizabeth Kübler-Ross created her Five Stages of Grief model, describing how people go through denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. These five stages can come in any order, but all are important and necessary.

Anger is an emotion God gave us. When grief produces anger, however, there is an opportunity to sin.

This opportunity is why the Apostle Paul told the Ephesians to be angry and not sin. Anger itself is not a sin, but it often causes us to act in sinful ways.

Have you been struggling with your anger lately? Do you know where that anger is coming from?

I remember a time when I was angry at God. My best friend died suddenly of a seizure in his sleep at age 17. I was angry at God because I recognized the hole he left in his family. My friend was the glue that held them together. His laughter defused his family’s anger. His joy carried them through adversity. How could God allow this?!

The Bible never condemns anger outright. For example, in John 2, Jesus discovers money changers in the temple, taking advantage of those coming to worship. In anger, He makes a whip, chasing these people and turning over their tables in the temple. Jesus models a healthy expression of anger.

Instead of repressing our anger, Jesus models how to express it without sin. Repressed anger, like unexpressed grief, is toxic. Anger like that can eat us alive from the inside out.

Are you angry at God? Have you expressed that to Him like David did in Psalm 22:1? You may have grown up in an environment where getting mad at God was not allowed. However, if God calls David a man after my own heart and David could write psalms like Psalm 22, you can express your anger to God. You cannot have a thriving life with God when anger is bubbling under the surface.

The only way David got to a place where he could praise God during and for the events that induced his grief was by expressing his grief before God honestly.

Perhaps today, you need to get a journal and write a raw and honest prayer to God that expresses your grief and anger. What if you found a room where you could scream at God? What if you sat down with a trusted friend to process the emotion you’re carrying?

Tomorrow, we will wrap up this series on grief with some good news about how God works as we grieve.