I Love My ChurchMuestra

There are no perfect people and no perfect church. Relationships are messy, and hurt is inevitable. I am not being pessimistic. I’ve just been alive long enough to know that pain is bound to come our way.

If we want to experience the fullness of life in the church, we must learn to address conflict and forgive each other.

1. Don’t email, text or use social media.     

In the past, when I had a conflict with someone, I would log on to my computer and fire off an abusive email. There are several problems with this:
• Avoiding confrontation is the act of a coward.
• Typing allows me to say things I would never say in person.
• Email can easily be misinterpreted, thus causing new conflicts.

2. Handle conflict quickly.

Ephesians 4:25-26 tells us not to let the sun to go down while we are angry. If we allow anger to fester, what comes out is never pretty.

3. Always assume the best about the people you serve with.

Love always assumes the best about someone. If you can’t stand the people you serve with, the best thing to do is to ask the Lord, “What is wrong with my own heart?”

4.  Stop expecting people to read your mind.

In the past, when people unknowingly said something hurtful to me, I would become angry and say to myself, “Well, they should know that just hurt me!” News flash: They don’t know. And they won’t know unless I look them in the eye, assume they didn’t mean to hurt me, and calmly explain why what they said wounded me.

5. Stop waiting for them to approach you.

If you know there is a problem to be solved, stop waiting on “the right time” or for them to come to you. Read what Jesus said in Matthew 5:23-24. Maturity is when a person is willing to seize responsibility instead of just waiting on something to happen.

6 . Never, ever go public when you have not even attempted to talk in private.

Too often people take their conflicts online when they have never even attempted to handle them privately.

Pain should never stop us from connecting with others in the church. When conflict comes, we have a decision to make: Do we sit around and talk about it? Or, do we address the conflict, forgive one another and get on with life?