When Conflict Arises: A 3-Day Marriage Planಮಾದರಿ

Fight Fair

"Remind the people . . . to be peaceable and considerate, and to show true humility toward all." (Titus 3:1-2)

Since some conflict in marriage is inevitable, learning to fight fair just might be the most important skill a couple can master. The key is to understand the difference between healthy and unhealthy combat.

In an unstable marriage, hostility is aimed at the partner’s soft underbelly with comments such as “You never do anything right!” “Why did I marry you in the first place?” and “You’re getting more like your mother every day!” These offensive remarks strike at the heart of self‐ worth. Healthy conflict, by contrast, focuses on the issues that cause disagreement: “It upsets me when you don’t tell me you’re going to be late for dinner,” or “I was embarrassed when you made me look foolish at the party last night.” Can you hear the difference?

Even though these approaches may be equally contentious, the first assaults the dignity of the partner, while the second addresses the source of conflict. Couples who learn this important distinction are much better prepared to work through disagreements without wounds and insults.

Questions for Today . . .

• When there is a fight, am I more likely to attack the person and miss the problem, or to attack the problem and protect the person?
• What did Jesus say about yielding to others when we are unfairly attacked or criticized? (See Matthew 5:38–41; Luke 6:27–31.)
• How can I do a better job of fighting fair to help my relationship?

Prayer . . .

Father, I need Your help to show love and respect while resolving differences. I don’t want disagreements to hurt the relationships You’ve graciously given me. I know Your power and wisdom can be mine each day, and I humbly ask for them. Amen.

(Excerpted from Dr. James and Shirley Dobson’s book, Night Light for Couples. Used with permission.)

Bonus Content: To Fight or Not to Fight

Marriages that go the distance have found ways to fight fair—addressing the issue without destruction.