How to Get Free When Someone Hurts YouSample

Don’t Be a Victim

One time I was watching a TV show, and one character, Dan, ran into an old friend he hadn’t seen since they were Marine pilots together.

Over dinner the friend eventually confided that he and his wife were separated. Dan said, “I’m sorry to hear that. Man, marriage is hard, isn’t it?”

The friend responded bitterly, “Not for Dan Do-Right.” Dan was stunned as his friend launched into a bitter diatribe about how it was Dan’s fault that he (the friend) had ended up where he was today. When Dan asked, “What are you talking about?” his friend got hostile.

“You should have stopped me! It’s your fault!” To Dan’s amazement, his friend was talking about an incident that happened 25 years before. One night they were out late partying, and unbeknownst to Dan, his friend had an important flight test coming up the next day.

At 1:00 a.m. he finally told Dan about it, and Dan insisted they go home. But the friend wanted to keep partying, and they stayed out even later. As a result, the friend failed his flight test, which in turn disqualified him from flying in Desert Storm. That decision to stay out late changed the course of his life.

Amazingly, he had been bitter toward Dan about it for 25 years, even though it was his fault, not Dan’s! He had harbored a grudge for years and twisted it around in his head until he was the victim of a terrible wrong.

We all know someone who, when they talk about something that hurt them years ago, it sounds as if it happened yesterday. The pain has held them in bondage all that time. Hebrews 12:15 NLT says, “Watch out that no poisonous root of bitterness grows up to trouble you, corrupting many.” Forgiveness stops bitterness from growing in our hearts.

Granted, this was a TV show, but we’ve probably all heard stories like this. In one way or another, we’ve all been done wrong, but forgiveness saves us from becoming a victim. Matthew 6:9-12 encourages us to “forgive those who sin against us.” When we forgive, we can leave painful incidents behind and not let them color our future. We can let it go and walk away to live free from torment and a victim mentality.