Healing The Wounds Of Sexual Betrayal By Dr. Sheri KefferSample

Day Three

An Emotional Earthquake

Scripture: Isaiah 54:10

Women often feel relieved when they discover that sexual betrayal leads to genuine trauma. While no one would question the impact of trauma on soldiers returning from their time of loyal service, many people still don’t understand what trauma from sexual betrayal looks like—including some of us who have been betrayed.

Misinformation, misunderstandings, differing perspectives, or a lack of education can be hurtful. Even though I went through years of betrayal myself, I’ve personally asked women I’ve worked with to forgive me for words I’ve spoken to them. When it comes to handling the complexities of betrayal trauma, we still have so much to learn. 

Sexual deception is not simply a violation of trust or something women need to get over. When a woman is reacting to sexual betrayal, it’s because she’s looking for two necessary things: safety and the truth. Understanding betrayal trauma is like putting on a whole new set of glasses to see the layered consequences and what is needed to recover. 

Trauma is a reaction of our bodies, minds, and emotions to a deeply distressing event. The earth-shattering incident changes the way we see people in our world and unravels our sense of safety. We can’t go back. We can’t erase what happened to us. Who we are and how we live significantly shift. Like a death, earthquake, or car crash, the event happens suddenly and changes us without warning, causing us to feel shock, denial, agony, terror, or helplessness.

Our bodies are designed to recover and regenerate after short-lived traumas known as acute traumatic events. But ongoing traumas like intimate sexual deceptions where partners are exposed to betraying events repeatedly and over longer periods of time are much different. Staying in a state of alarm from the emotional violations and looming threats can alter how our bodies and brain systems operate. Issues such as chronic anxiety, fear, paranoia, unpredictable emotions, distrust of others, loss of personal safety, guilt, and shame begin to surface.

Sexual betrayal changes the way we feel about ourselves and how we live. We might seem okay on the outside for a while. But the unseen wounds of trauma continue to poison us from the inside out. If left untreated, the effects can destroy us. 

What signs of stress have you noticed in your body, brain and spirit since you’ve been dealing with the pain of betrayal? What is one thing you can today to focus on what you need to heal?