The Sacred Search by Gary ThomasSample

“Making the Choice”

The reason it is so crucial to adopt the Bible’s view of a wise choice over “finding the one” is that the former attitude allows you to objectively consider the person you marry. There is no objective measurement of “destiny.” How, indeed can you possibly know if someone is your soul mate? Powerful emotions can blind us to all sorts of clues. But when we adopt the biblical attitude of making a wise choice, we can use all that God has given us to arrive at a solid decision that should be based on a number of factors:

Scriptural Mandates:

• Is the person a believer who fears God (Prov. 31:30) and who is biblically eligible for marriage (Mark 10:11-12)?

Wisdom:

• How do they handle their money (Prov. 31:16, 18)?
• Is this person a hard worker (Prov. 13:4; 26:13-15)?
• Do they live an upright life (Prov. 13:6, 20; 25:28)?
• Does this person wound people with their words, or are they an encourager (Prov. 12:18; 18:21)?
• Are they peaceful, or are they quarrelsome (Prov. 17:19; 29:8)?

Parental and Pastoral Advice:

• Your parents know you better than you may realize, and even if they aren’t believers, they still usually want the best for you. At least consider their opinions. Also talk to your pastor and other godly people you respect: “Does this relationship seem like a ‘fit’ to you? Are there any areas you’re concerned about?”
• Proverbs 15:22 tells us, “Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers they succeed.” If the people I most respect had serious reservations about a relationship, I would assume I had lost my objectivity—that I was both vulnerable and stupid due to infatuation—and put all marriage plans on hold.

Prayer:

• Rejecting the notion that God creates one person just for us doesn’t discount the reality that God can lead us toward someone and help us make a wise choice when we seek Him in prayer. We want to surrender to God’s providence by seeking and using the gift of wisdom, applied learning, and rational understanding.

* Go through the above questions and suggestions. Do any warning bells go off? While this may not sound romantic, it’s much better to see these potential roadblocks now than 3 years into a marriage.