Infidelity: Boundaries to Protect Your MarriageSample

EMOTIONAL AFFAIRS AND ONGOING FRIENDSHIPS

One of the most dangerous things about an affair is the way it can sneak up on you when least expected. For example: sometimes there are two couples who have a great friendship going when, lo and behold, the husband of Couple Number One finds himself becoming emotionally entangled with the wife of Couple Number Two. That’s bad enough. It can also be extremely difficult to resolve. But let’s assume that these star-crossed lovers do manage to resolve the issue successfully. Let’s say that they see the error of their ways, repent of their poor choices, and patch things up with their respective spouses.

What happens then? Does everything go back to the way it was before the affair happened? Do the four friends resume their old relationship and live happily ever after?
The answer, of course, is no. And the reason is simple: it’s a matter of protecting and preserving the two marriages involved. Nothing is worth placing them in a position of continuing risk.

In a case like this, there are really no two ways about it. The friendship between the two couples has to be terminated for the good of all involved. When marital unfaithfulness has occurred, one of the most important elements of the reconciliation process — perhaps the most important element — is a willingness on the part of the offending spouse to take responsibility for his or her actions and face up to the real-life consequences of the mistakes he or she has made. Those consequences can assume a number of shapes and show up on several different levels. In this situation, the loss of the friendship with the other couple has to be included among the casualties.

If this seems harsh or hard to grasp, imagine that the affair took place not merely between two friends, but between two co-workers. Would it be possible, once the infidelity was past, for the participants to revert to “life as usual” in the office? Hardly. Under such conditions, the best way for the guilty parties to protect and defend their marriages would be to give two weeks’ notice and start looking for new jobs.

If you, the reader, ever find yourself in a position like this, there’s just one thing to do: circumstances permitting and all other things being equal, remove yourself from the vicinity of the individual with whom you’ve been unfaithful and stay as far away from him or her as possible.

There can be no question of an “ongoing friendship” in the aftermath of an affair. It’s foolish to place yourself in the way of continuing temptation. You may think you’ve got the situation under control, but the affair can re-occur if you’re not careful. As the writer of Proverbs asks, “Can a man scoop fire into his lap without his clothes being burned? Can a man walk on hot coals without his feet being scorched?” (Proverbs 6:27, 28). The answer, of course, is no. The best thing you can do is cut all ties with the person or couple concerned and move on.