Raising Boys Who Respect Girls By Dave WillisSample

Locker rooms have become a poor substitute for something noble we no longer do. Our boys want to know what it means to be a man, but we’ve done a convoluted job of defining it for them. We’ve done an even worse job celebrating it and marking the milestones as they travel from childhood to adolescence and into manhood.

With the lack of any clear definition or rites of passage, boys are left to guess that each birthday is a milestone, or perhaps the appearance of pubic hair or peach fuzz on their chins. These automatic and seemingly superficial marks of manhood do little to satisfy his soul’s unspoken question: Am I a man now?

Even grown men struggle with insecurities over how we measure up. We measure ourselves by murky metrics and always wonder if we’re good enough. We wonder if we’re good providers, good fathers, and good husbands. We’re desperate for respect, and we often feel unworthy of it. In my years of work with married couples, I am convinced the most common unspoken question men constantly ask themselves is, “Does my wife respect me, and does she think I’m a good man?”

If given the choice, most men would rather be respected than loved. Men are ironically capable of very disrespectful behavior in their quest to be respected. Most men carry wounds of rejection, often from their fathers, and the insecurities left in the aftermath of those wounds can drive a man to even more reckless behavior in an attempt to prove his own manhood and gain respect. Even among arrogant men, there’s often a hidden side of insecurity they’re attempting to mask through their quest to be the alpha male. We all want to know what a real man really is and how we’re measuring up. In the doubt resulting from our ambiguity (or even hostility) surrounding manhood, boys are easy prey for the Locker Room Mentality.

In the Locker Room, the counterfeit rites of passage emerge as sexual exploits. Instead of tests of character and courage, as was customary in the past, now boys face manhood tests of seduction and prowess. Boys are told their manhood is defined by notches on their belts instead of the timeless truths in their Bibles. Boys are told that girls are prey to be conquered instead of souls to be cherished. When manhood is redefined by the Locker Room, everyone loses.