Finding God In The RuinsSample

Safe Company

“If you go down this road,” the religious will tell you, ”just be careful. Don’t go too far or you’ll end up losing your faith.” But the fear of losing our faith is not a good enough reason for having it in the first place. At some point, if we are ever to forgive God and move on with him, we must ask him about his poor guardianship – we must give ourselves permission to cross-examine his weak defense.

In some ways it is devastating to tell God all you wish he had done differently, saved you from, or converted you into. But when the god of your church of origin gives you the same remedial cliché for your pain time and time again, there’s not a thing wrong with sticking your middle finger right in his face. You may think this kind of bad spiritual behavior will cause you to lose your faith altogether – that you’ll end up losing site of God. But maybe the moment you flip God the bird is the exact moment he looks into your eyes and says, “Well done my good and faithful servant.”

Most of us would agree that King David, whose claim to fame is being a man after God’s own heart, took on an accusatory tone the 44th Psalm when he said, “You’re a liar and a cheat. You sold us down the river and didn’t make a penny off our sale. You’ve made of us a laughingstock, and it’s your fault that we live our lives in shame.” He kind of flipped God the bird, didn’t he? Knowing I wasn’t the only one who thought ill of God provided the kind of safe company that put me at ease.

Safe company. Man do we need it.

Remember Robert and Ann – the couple in our young married group back in 1994? After telling me about Robert’s duplicitous lifestyle and the downward spiral of their marriage, Ann also told me, “Our church was not ready for the U-Haul of baggage we were dragging behind us.” Sadly, I understood completely. For years I have longed for the church to be a safe place where I could reexamine my faith with fear and trembling…and anger. I needed it to be a place where I could ask the tough questions – where I could expose God’s short sale on my life, on Robert’s life, on Keegan’s life – on yours. But the church wasn’t the place I hoped it would be.

But if not within the loving arms of the church, then where? Why are God’s people so much less resilient? And what are we afraid of?