Life + Love by Ben StuartSample

Who to Date

The longest chapter in Genesis is about finding a wife. Abraham called his most trusted servant and made him swear in the Lord’s name with one of the most serious of oaths in that day. Why this ceremony? Because Abraham knew that the person Isaac married would have more influence on him than any other person. Therefore, a wise person approaches the process of finding a spouse with an appropriate amount of seriousness. Our casual approach to dating doesn’t always reflect the seriousness with which God takes marriage.

Abraham was serious because marriage is serious. As we’ve seen and will continue to see, dating exists for evaluation. Dating provides spaces and context to evaluate whether you should marry someone. This doesn’t mean you should go on every date expecting to marry the person sitting across from you. However, it does mean you should discontinue the relationship at the point it becomes clear that marriage isn’t an option. To do that, you need to be armed with the proper criterion for evaluation.

Abraham was commanding his servant to find a wife for his son who was of the same faith. He told his servant not to get a Canaanite woman, because these people were polytheists, with the worship of their gods centering on violence. The only criterion Abraham specified was that the woman must be a believer in the one true God. And he was sending his servant on a journey of over five hundred miles to find her! Maybe the person God has for you isn’t part of your current relational circle, just as Isaac’s future wife wasn’t part of his. 

Notice the resolve in Abraham’s instruction. If the servant didn’t find the right woman, he was free to come home. More often than not, we feel that compromise happens after we begin dating someone; when we’re tempted to compromise our standards of sexual and emotional purity. But integrity starts well before that. 

God won’t always reveal His choice like this. It would be nice if we could pray, “Lord, let the person I sit beside at the coffee shop today be my future spouse,” and they show up. However, it’s significant to see the types of activities this servant hoped to find the woman engaged in. 

Abraham’s servant was hoping the woman would offer to give water to his camels, so he was looking for someone who was gracious and hospitable, even to a stranger. The implications are huge for relationships today. Our posture toward hospitality and generosity speaks volumes about our character and love for people.

Usually, when we talk about having chemistry with someone, we’re talking about physical compatibility. Although this is important, it’s not the only form of chemistry we should look for. Through observation, Rebekah realized she had chemistry with Isaac. She observed his faith and theological compatibility (see vv. 26-27), his vocational compatibility (Abraham’s servant had brought camels with him, v. 10), and his social compatibility (Abraham’s servant stayed with her family, v. 31). These factors of chemistry and compatibility are vital in deciding who we’ll date. 

Both character and chemistry should drive us when deciding who to date. When we focus on only one quality, we’ll ultimately be disappointed. But when we prioritize both characteristics, we’re likely to find people worth dating.