3 Next Steps to Maintain a Fully Connected Marriage

STEP 1- Pursue Your Spouse Constantly

The person you are married to is a worthy pursuit. Think back to the moment when you decided to pursue your spouse. In that moment we made a choice influenced by a feeling. For some, they knew God personally and the decisions were influenced by His Spirit and His leading. For others, these decisions were dictated by circumstances and hard decisions led to covenant vows. No matter how you ended up here, there was a series of events that influenced your pursuit. Your actions reinforced your thoughts and feelings and you won their heart and exchanged “I do’s.”

Something crazy happens a few years down the marriage road and you forget about the pursuit. You conquered that pursuit, they said yes to forever not even knowing what that meant and here you are going through the motions. What if I told you it’s not supposed to be that way?

That special date you planned to win her heart and show her your sweet and tender side is still an important part of your marriage today. The way you got all dolled up for dates and felt butterflies in your stomach as he approached the door to take you out can still be a part of your dating life today. It’s all in the pursuit. 

Often couples wait until they’re in a rocky place or at the end of their rope before they reintroduce the tactics used to win their spouse’s love in the first place. Now hear me out, we don’t try to win their love by performing perfectly but we do live like the little things matter and they are worth the pursuit. 

If you’ve never experienced that… now is a great time to start. God can begin a new work and put that love inside you. The defining moment will be your willingness. 

Everyone loves to be pursued. 

STEP 2- Make Time to Date Your Spouse Regularly

One of the things we see in most marriages that are struggling is that they haven't made time for each other. I get it, life is busy, schedules are full, there are demands at work, at home, with the kids and every other commitment we've made. But the most important commitment we made in the very beginning went something like this "to have and to hold from this day forward forsaking all others". This covenant requires a commitment to the most important things first. When God is the center of our marriage, we know that the one we said those vows to is one of God's greatest gifts, handcrafted for us.

The pursuit of each other’s heart is a choice and a daily action. We can’t stop doing the things that got us here in the first place. Quit making excuses. Make a phone call. Ask them out. Plan a date. Get dressed up. Put on your favorite jeans and your best shirt. Look at each other. Talk about things other than work, the kids and what’s not right. Choose to remember why you were drawn to them in the first place and for goodness sake stop focusing on the problems and start choosing to pursue their heart. Make out a little (or a lot) and the greatest part is, you get to go home with them, tonight and every night. 

Date nights don't have to be extravagant. Some of the best dates are connecting on the couch with popcorn and coke after the kids go to bed. It is about intentional time spent together where both parties feel like the priority, so you can fully connect.

STEP 3- Use your Words Generously

What comes to mind when you think about your spouse, your marriage or the life you’ve built together? If you think it, write it down and share it with them. Our spouse needs our written words to look back on when they start to forget the truth about themselves, your marriage or life in general. Your written encouragement can shift their thinking and help them feel loved, known and valued.

There’s a specific carwash my husband likes to frequent. This car wash has a section full of cards for every occasion. More times than not when my husband goes to the car wash, he grabs a cute or funny card. The best part is he usually takes the time to write in it something specific to the season we are walking in. These cards are gestures and reminders that he’s thinking about me, he cares about what I care about and I’m a big part of his everyday life. When your man can go to the car wash and think about you, you know you’re number one in his book. 

You have the opportunity to leave a note, card, or even a sticky note with a scripture or an encouraging word to your spouse often. Words matter and you taking the time to speak something positive changes the atmosphere. Writing it down allows it to be a continuous reminder.

Ephesians 5 lays out how husbands are to love their wives and wives honor their husbands. We hope that this simple plan has given you practical ideas you can implement to live this out in your everyday life. As you practice each of these you will be able to love and live fully connected to God and each other!

Think it Over:

What does my spouse like/love that I can pick up or do to brighten their day?

Make a Move:

We would love to hear from you. You can share your story with us by emailing marriage@elevateHim.com. Let us know how this plan impacted your marriage or any small shift you made in your marriage that has moved you closer. We love hearing about couples learning to love and live fully connected to God and each other.