The Betrayed Wife: 6 Days of HealingSample

Where Was He

Just today a female counselor came up to me and said, “I have a question. One of my clients asked me, ‘Where was God and why didn’t he stop my husband from doing this? Why didn’t he protect me from this?’”

I have heard similar questions come from the most sincere, godly women you could ever meet. These are the cries of a woman in pain in a car accident screaming out “Why me? Why did this happen?”

This didn’t have to happen. Your husband failed you. He made terrible choices which are causing you heart-wrenching pain. Hearing this question hurts my heart because I know that this shouldn’t have happened to you. Knowing that you have been a good and faithful wife for the entirety of your marriage twists the knife of betrayal deeper into your heart. The real answer to your question is that God gives man free will. This declaration was given to humanity when he said, “You are free” in Genesis 2:16. Free will is a gift. Some use it to bring value to the Kingdom of God, and others abuse the gift of free will through sin. 

As we discussed in the previous plan day, God knows and feels the pain of betrayal that comes from His creation of free will. He doesn’t force us to love Him. He doesn’t force us to follow His law. You and your husband both have the choice of free will in your marriage. No one made your husband cheat, watch pornography or participate in sexual addiction. These were the choices he wrongfully made with the gift of free will. 

I have counseled thousands of men who have betrayed their wives. If your husband is a man of God, he knows in his heart that lusting and betraying your heart and your marriage vows are all sinful. I’ve heard men recount story after story of how God spoke to them and convicted them before, during and after pornography, infidelity, and professional services. Still they resisted God’s attempt to protect him, their spouse and their children. They often pushed through many of these promptings. 

So, where was God? He was there the whole time. He was trying to talk to your husband, but your husband was pushing Him away. God was crying because He knew the heartbreak you would experience when the truth came out. He hates when men injure themselves and their family through lust and sin. He specifically commands us not to participate in those things to protect us because He knows the multidimensional pain and loss it causes.

The fact that you are reading these words shows He is here. He is guiding you. He can help you heal. If your husband is willing, he can help him heal and rebuild your marriage as well. Right now, He is in your future, preparing people, professionals, and ministries to help you -- and to help your husband if he decides to heal. 

Where is God? He is in you, around you, and in other believers. He is helping you. God is everywhere holding your hand, your tears, and your future.

If you have felt alone in this, I want you to practice saying this phrase: “God is for me and not against me. He understands and is with me during my times of sorrow. He is my encourager and helper, and I trust His purpose for my life.”