SOLID…Building the Marriage of your DreamsSample

 No More Secrets

The lifeblood of a relationship is free and honest communication. Being secretive directly contradicts that because it means there are parts of yourself that you have chosen to withhold from your spouse. 

People often mistake being secretive for the ability to keep a secret. While the former is the concealment of intentions and information, the latter speaks of confidentiality, which is the quality of being trustworthy. 

Marriage is about intimacy. A word I often explain as ‘into-me-see’ – meaning, letting your spouse see all of you - the good and not-so-good parts. It’s about opening up to each other without shame. What you really want is someone who knows your worst flaws but chooses to love you regardless.

The thing about secrets is that they always come out and hurt the people you love. Secrets uncovered in marriage cause the discovering party to feel betrayed and sometimes trapped. It may suggest that you did not trust your spouse enough to fully open up to them. 

You need to give your spouse some credit - don’t assume that they will be unable to handle the weight of your secret. Are you keeping a secret from your spouse? Deliberately deepen the communication lines between yourselves. 

Action Point: Practice vulnerability. Start being more open with your spouse about the little things. Be deliberate about building trust.