Set Healthy Boundaries Like JesusSample

If They Don’t Want Help

Scripture: John 5:6

I remember asking a pastor, “How do you prevent yourself from getting burned out?” His answer was something like this: “I help everyone who wants help.” I was intrigued. He’d be helping a lot of people. This would be a massive amount of work. Everyone wants to be in a better place, or so I thought.

He went on, “When people come with BIG problems, I give them small biblical ways to help themselves, but if I don’t see them taking small actions toward what we’ve talked about, I stop helping.” Wow. Was this selfish of him? Wrong even? How could he give up on people and abandon them like that? I always feel like I should help people realize their wrongs and what they need to do. But, this man, a tenured pastor had a different approach. Was it even biblical? 

I noticed in scripture that Jesus asked the invalid by the healing pool at Bethesda a similar question to the pastor’s before healing Him. Jesus said, “Do you want to get well?” This question that Jesus asked is a critically important question. Do the people we feel obligated to help even want or need our help? Do they absolutely need our involvement in that super-important project? The one that is stealing weekends from our family. Do they really need our advice? Or, is it just adding bricks to the weight they’re already carrying?

Often, we feel obligated to do when there is wisdom in an ask—ask people what they really want and need. Ask yourself what you really want and need.

After Jesus asked the man by the pool what he wanted, the man answered with a whole bunch of excuses. Incredibly, God in His mercy still healed him. Jesus didn’t leave things there, however. He asked Him to do some things for himself. He said, “Get up, pick up your mat, and walk!”

Perhaps we stop helping people who aren’t helping themselves. Perhaps we stop feeling responsible to lift people when all they really want to do is to stay down. Again, we are not Savior.

Jesus’s question was very important; there is critical wisdom in who we help—and who we don’t. 

Where have you been hitting your head against a wall relationally? Might it be time to surrender and to try things a new way? How can you stick to that goal?