Raising Resilient ChildrenSample

THE ORIGINAL “MEAN GIRL”

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There was a man named Elkanah, from the tribe of Ephraim, who lived in the town of Ramah in the hill country of Ephraim. He was the son of Jeroham and grandson of Elihu, and belonged to the family of Tohu, a part of the clan of Zuph. Elkanah had two wives, Hannah and Peninnah. Peninnah had children, but Hannah did not. Every year Elkanah went from Ramah to worship and offer sacrifices to the Lord Almighty at Shiloh, where Hophni and Phinehas, the two sons of Eli, were priests of the Lord. Each time Elkanah offered his sacrifice, he would give one share of the meat to Peninnah and one share to each of her children. And even though he loved Hannah very much he would give her only one share, because the Lord had kept her from having children. Peninnah, her rival, would torment and humiliate her, because the Lord had kept her childless. This went on year after year; whenever they went to the house of the Lord, Peninnah would upset Hannah so much that she would cry and refuse to eat anything.

-1 Samuel 1:1-7

Reflect

“Mean girl” is a pop-culture term for a bully. She is the girl who taunts and criticizes you and may be nice to your face but vicious behind your back. You may think of encountering a mean girl only in junior high or high school, but mean girls emerge in every age bracket, every social status, in person and now online—and even in military spouse circles. A husband’s rank, a spouse’s involvement in the military community, child-rearing methods—all get their fair share of comments.

In her book Queen Bee Moms and Kingpin Dads, Rosaline Wiseman attributes the motivation of mean girls to the desire to belong. Wiseman writes, “I realized I had underestimated how powerfully parents’ social hierarchies influence how they guide their children’s lives. We don’t leave cliques and peer pressure behind when we grow up or when we become parents; we just graduate to a new level with adults playing the roles.”

In the first chapter of 1 Samuel, we encounter one of the original mean girls. Peninnah was one of Elkanah’s two wives. Remember, polygamy was a common practice in ancient Near Eastern culture, a culture that also measured a woman’s worth by her ability to have children. As mean girls will, Peninnah took every opportunity to make Hannah, Elkanah’s other wife, feel less-than. Peninnah used her children to elevate her own sense of superiority and lock Hannah out of the ‘mommy clique.’

I humbly confess I have had my share of mean-girl moments. I have boasted about my child when someone else was struggling with hers. With self-righteousness, I have shared how my parenting tactic succeeded when someone else floundered. I did not set out to be unkind, and I prettied up my statements with spiritual words. On reflection, I am sure my mean-girl moments came from a place of insecurity and pride. I make excuses for my wrong behavior: hormones, personality differences, or having a bad day, but I have no valid excuse for what amounts to being a bully.

Sister, let’s be on each other’s team. Let’s help each other be better wives, better moms, better women. Let’s live the words of Ephesians 4:32: “Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.”

Respond

How can you put Ephesians 4:32 into action when you encounter mean-girl attitudes? What do you learn about kindness from Scripture (Luke 6:35; Colossians 3:12; Proverbs 31:10, 26)?

Prayer

Lord, today may the teaching of kindness be on my tongue and in my actions. Amen.