You’re Not the Boss of Me: 7 Keys to Managing AnxietySample

Practice Being Proactive

When anxiety is threatening to take control, please talk to someone. Don’t hold all of the anxiety inside. It's a big relief to share your fears and emotions with someone else—a trusted friend, a relative, a pastor, or a counselor. If fear and anxiety are ongoing problems in your life, schedule a regular time each week to talk with someone. Sharing your struggle allows anxiety to not feel like the boss of your life. Sharing how anxiety functions in your life helps normalize your feelings and also brings someone who cares about you into your world and into your struggles.

No matter who you are talking to, make sure you are sharing your challenges with God. Check out what the Bible says: “Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you” (1 Peter 5:7, NIV).

My first step in being proactive is always prayer. We often “cast our anxieties” on a friend, a spouse, or even a coworker when God wants us to come to Him with our anxieties. While talking to family and trusted friends can be beneficial, going to Him first helps us release our anxiety to someone who can actually handle it for us. He wants to carry the weight of what troubles us. Prayer allows us to hand over our anxieties to the one who can bring us relief. And God wants our anxieties because He loves us more than we can imagine.

Another proactive activity which helps calm me is going for a short 20-minute walk. Here’s the cool thing about a short walk. The part of the brain that controls anxiety is also the part that controls decision making, so the two are intertwined. This is why making decisions when you're anxious is almost impossible. Making too many decisions can actually make us more anxious. This "anxious" part of our brain is also relatively simple. It's a mono-tasker, meaning it can do only one thing at a time. Walking has been shown to actually shut down the anxious mechanism, so while you're walking, the anxious part of your brain can shut off a bit. 

One of my favorite strategies I began using recently is Anxiety Reappraisal. Let me explain, because this one has been a game changer.

Anxiety and excitement are both aroused emotions. In both, the heart beats faster, cortisol surges, and the body prepares for action. While they’re congruent, the difference is that excitement is a positive emotion (focused on all the ways something could go well), and anxiety is a negative emotion (focused on all the ways something could go terribly wrong).

When people feel anxious, they often tell themselves to just relax. When asked, “How do you feel about your upcoming speech?” most people will say, “I’m so nervous and trying to calm down.” Keeping calm isn’t easy.

Being calm is positive, but it’s also low on arousal. For most people, it takes less effort for the brain to jump from charged-up, negative feelings to highly charged, positive ones. In other words, it’s easier to convince yourself to be excited than calm when you’re anxious.

Switching to an opportunity mindset, focusing on all of the good things that can happen if you do well, as opposed to a threat mindset, dwelling on all of the consequences of performing poorly, helps reappraise anxiety.

While you can’t always control your initial reaction, reappraising those knee-jerk reactions can be wildly successful. So, next time you’re in an anxiety-inducing situation like public speaking, try tricking your brain into thinking you are excited. Choosing the opportunity mindset of excitement might quickly shift you from feelings of anxiety to feelings of excitement.