Fearless Families: Building Brave Homes in an Uncertain WorldSample

 Relationship: Choosing People Over Things

Far too many people are in a relationship with only part of a person or someone they don’t even know. So many women are married to a man who has never fully put his heart into the relationship. They said “I do” to one person but find they are married to someone else. 

The man tries to maintain the aura of strength, competency, and completeness he brought into the marriage, but it’s an act meant to ward off fear. 

The woman thinks she’s married to the whole man, but she only ever experiences part of the man — the facade.

This is true of many relationships. We think we are connected to one person, but we are actually connected to someone else. This stunts relationship growth and eventually kills the connection, and often it happens without our knowledge. We don’t know that the other person isn’t offering us his or her full self.

And we’re just as guilty. Worried about appearances, we let the other person see only a part of ourselves — the part we think is put together, attractive, or somehow admirable. And then we wonder why we’re never entirely sure if the other person loves us or accepts us!

It’s only when we begin to take risks and lay our full hearts on the table that we can ever hope to make a genuine connection with our loved ones. Letting our guard down and making ourselves vulnerable will enable us to engage fully in the relationship. 

Because we are no longer focused on projecting an attractive persona, we can focus instead on the other person. This allows us to love better and receive love in return.

The fundamental way we care for our relationships is with regular investment of time and energy. Without our physical presence and emotional engagement, our relationships cannot be sustained for long. 

Fear tempts us to treat our relationships with apathy regarding such efforts because people are unpredictable and can cause us discomfort and pain. But the fearless family knows the risk is worth the investment. 

Even when heartbreak happens and difficulties do come, we still choose not to give up on others. 

If you get food poisoning from a restaurant, you don’t give up on food. True, you will likely never eat at that restaurant again. But within days you will eat again, and a week later you will likely be eating at other restaurants. 

In much the same way, we should learn from bad relationship experiences, but they shouldn’t cause us to give up on connecting with others. Nor should they cause us to fall for the false promise that material things can replace people in our lives. They can’t.