Building Trust After InfidelitySample

Helping Children Understand What’s Going On

If you have children, they’re also going to need some help working their way through this family crisis. Older children may already know what’s been happening; younger kids will have sensed stress in the home and will need someone to come alongside them as they deal with feelings they don’t really understand.

It’s especially important to assure children of all ages that they’re emotionally and physically safe, and you won’t allow anything to harm them or threaten their security. Resist the temptation to pretend that nothing is going on or keep your children totally in the dark concerning this serious issue in your marriage. Some parents might try to hush up the whole thing. Others may feel a need to lie about the counseling sessions they’re attending. That’s not a good idea. Honesty is always the best policy – allowing for, of course, age-appropriate language and content.

Whatever you do, handle the topic sensitively and don’t overload your children with unnecessary details. Depending on your children’s ages, you can use broad conversation starters, such as “Mom and Dad are getting help for our relationship,” or “We love each other, and sometimes disappointments and problems happen that God helps us solve through counseling. That’s what we’re doing because our family is so important to us. We want you to know where we’re going, but we don’t want you to worry. Do you have any questions?”

Follow your children’s lead. Don’t give them more information than they’re asking for, but don’t withhold or lie. These are tender and teachable moments, and your children need your reassurance while you’re devoting a lot of necessary attention to yourself and your marriage. If you have close friends, babysitters, or extended family whom your children especially enjoy and feel comfortable with, this is a time to enlist their help so your children are well cared for while you and your husband spend time in personal reflection, conversations, or counseling sessions.

For more help, visit FocusOnTheFamily.com/Pornography. You can also call Focus on the Family's counseling department for a free consultation at 855-771-HELP (4357). You are not alone and you are in our prayers.