The Second Happy by Pastor Kevin MyersSample

Slow Down or Speed Up?

Marriage is unlike any other relationship on earth. It is the only relationship that God ordained for oneness. This oneness is not a romantic notion; it is a new condition a couple enters when they get married. It’s not an emotion or a feeling; it’s a fact that defines who they are. And it becomes physical through sex. No wonder Jesus said that adultery is a violation of the oneness of marriage. Oneness is sacred. It is a deep bond between a man and a woman both emotionally and physically and is meant to endure until death separates them.

Oneness is the highest value in marriage. It’s much greater than unity. When you live it out, you’re experiencing marriage the way God envisioned it. You’re making your marriage happier than your honeymoon, because you’re experiencing sustained oneness as a couple, not the fleeting thrill and novelty of oneness that you felt on your honeymoon.

Oneness requires us to submit to one another. If you’re looking for a practical “nonspiritual” application for how Marcia and I do this to maintain oneness, we’ll give you an example. Marcia is a runner, and I’m not. I’m happy to go on walks with her, and we’ve covered many miles at that pace. However, Marcia spends many hours running every week, and I want to be with her more. So guess what I decided to do? Spend some time running with her. My goal was to be capable of running the first three miles with her on  a run. That makes me what? Her warm-up band? Anyway, after three miles, she continues on the seven, ten, fifteen, or however many miles she’s planned to do.

So, on many days, we run together. But we immediately discovered something the first time we did this. She’s a runner, and I’m at best a jogger. We don’t run at the same pace. I had to speed up to be with her, and even then, she had to slow down to be with me. She has chosen to do that for her first three miles.

Perhaps you’re getting the picture. Marriage thrives when we figure out what it means to be in sync with each other. It usually means one person has to speed up a bit and the other has to slow down a bit. This is a principle you can apply to any aspect of your marriage: money management, career aspirations, the processing of emotional baggage, spiritual growth, decision making, etc. Submitting to one another means subjugating your will for the benefit of your spouse and for the oneness in your marriage.

Prayer: Lord, please help me to value my spouse above myself, adjust to my spouse’s pace, and make the changes in myself to create and preserve oneness in my marriage.