Love Them AnywaySample

Judgment and Love

The traditional definition of tolerance is sympathy for others’ beliefs that conflict with our own, even admitting that our views may be wrong. But today’s definition refuses to assess right and wrong, assuming that all beliefs, values, and lifestyles are equally valid. 

The old definition of tolerance is rooted in the belief that there is objective truth, but the new one says, “I have my truth, you have your truth, and they’re equally acceptable.” Today, if you voice even a mild disagreement with someone’s concept of truth, you’ll be criticized for being intolerant. That’s a very small box you have to fit into! John tells us that Jesus came “full of grace and truth” (John 1:14), not one or the other. Grace and truth must go together, like peanut butter and jelly.

Grace without truth is only emotion, and truth without grace is the legalism of harsh demands and guilt motivation. 

Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. —Matthew 7:1–2 

The word judge has a range of meaning. You might say, “I cut the board too short because I didn’t judge the length accurately.” In that context, the word simply means an observation without a value judgment. But if you say, “I was asked to judge the best tomatoes at the county fair,” then this is an assessment with a value judgment, albeit without condemnation. Jesus isn’t saying that we can’t make assessments and we can’t differentiate right from wrong or good from bad—He did that all the time! 

He wants us to avoid delighting in finding fault in others or harshly condemning them while feeling superior. It’s not wrong to simply state the facts—that’s observation. So, read this carefully: you harshly judge when you assume to know the motives of people’s hearts and when you conclude that you’re better than they are. 

Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, “Let me take the speck out of your eye,” when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye. —Matthew 7:3–5 

In Paul’s letter to the Ephesians, he observes that we need each other in order to grow strong in our faith. Today, many people assume they can walk with God in power and intimacy on their own, but that would be news to Paul, who told us that when we are in close relationships, we’ll grow in faith and knowledge: 

Then we will no longer be infants, tossed back and forth by the waves, and blown here and there by every wind of teaching and by the cunning and craftiness of people in their deceitful scheming. Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will grow to become in every respect the mature body of him who is the head, that is, Christ. From him the whole body, joined and held together by every supporting ligament, grows and builds itself up in love, as each part does its work. —Ephesians 4:14–16 

Put away your pride and love people enough to move in their direction. Don’t do what’s natural; do what’s supernatural— speak the truth in love, be willing to confront, but be kind. Be strong enough to stay engaged when you want to run away.