Chasing FailureSample

Shame Off Of You

Shame isn’t random. There are specific events, moments, and even people that can be shame-triggers for us. We all have different ones. Most of our triggers related to people are in the area of how people respond to us. If we can identify our insecurities and control them before they control us, we position ourselves for shame not to have a hold on our destiny. We can fight against shame in three key areas: our expectation of perfection, the temptation to shame others, and the way we talk to ourselves.

When we expect ourselves to be perfect, which is impossible, it sets us up to experience more shame when we fail or do something wrong. With social media broadcasting our lives around the world, many of us feel paralyzed to act because we are afraid to be seen as not perfect. Most people get online to connect, but they leave not only feeling disconnected but also with an extreme case of envy or shame. 

We need to evaluate how influences, like social media, are affecting us. Is it resulting in us being more motivated, passionate, and happy? Or is it causing us to drift from our goals and start measuring ourselves against unfair standards? We have to refuse to let someone else’s grid make us feel bad about our life.

What contributes to us shaming ourselves is that we often shame others. We judge others at a standard neither they nor we can live up to. If we think rather negatively of others when they fall short, we will naturally play our own tapes of judgment for ourselves when we fall short. If you want to be truly accepted for who you are and not what you do, you should show love and appreciation for others before they accomplish anything. You have the ability to release shame off of someone else, and when you do so, it actually contributes to removing shame off of yourself as well. This is called empathy.

When I’m trying to get shame off of a friend, I’m looking for a way to get in the boat with them and look for ways where what they’re feeling is synonymous with something I’ve felt in the past. When I stop beating up others in my head or out loud, I’m setting a precedent for how to treat myself when shame comes knocking on my door. After all, God showed us compassion when Jesus died for us “while we were still sinners” (Romans 5:8 NIV). We can follow Jesus’ example and show compassion for ourselves and others.

What have you been telling yourself lately? Do you allow negative statements to enter your space? We enjoy it when someone else shows us compassion, so why not give compassion to ourselves? Self-compassion is important when dealing with shame. It’s not giving yourself excuses for why you failed, but an awareness that you’re human when you fail. Give yourself a break. Forgive yourself just like God forgives you. Tell yourself you’re going to be okay, and shame doesn’t get to be the boss of your dreams. When you get shame off of you, you can start being who you were meant to be.

Respond

How does shame feed your fear of failure?

Where do you need to treat yourself with compassion? How does God’s acceptance of you help you do this? 

How do you see your dreams when shame is out of the picture? How can you share this freedom from shame with someone else?