From Pain 2 Purpose: Begin to Process Loss and Forge AheadSample

What Do I Need to Move Forward? (Part 2)

At first, our grief simply feels like grief. We don’t necessarily label it as unresolved or complicated grief. Our love for the one we lost may, for the moment, be deeply entwined with the grief we are feeling. It’s like our pain and our love for that person are wedded together. Subconsciously, we may fear that letting go of any pain caused by our loss and moving forward with lessened grief is paramount to disrespecting the deep love we have for the departed person. Emotionally, it may not seem possible to let go of the grief without letting go of the love. And we surely don’t want to let go of that love. So we tend to hold on to both without even realizing it. Our love and all our grief may for a time seem inseparable.

It is proper and healthy to grieve. It is an important part of the healing process. It hurts because there is a hole in our hearts where our loved ones once lived. They are gone, and we miss them terribly. And that hurts. But it is a pure and healthy hurt. The pain of our loss will remain as long as the hole is there. But that doesn’t mean our memories of our loved one are forever marred by our loss. In fact, the joy we begin to feel in reliving good memories is an indication that healing is occurring.

Today we have fond and happy memories of Austin. We laugh about his antics and the practical jokes he used to play on us. On some level, he is still part of our family emotionally even though he is not physically present. And the memories, while precious, are still bittersweet because he is not literally with us. Of course, we believe one day we will be reunited with him, and then God “will wipe every tear from [our] eyes, and there will be no more death or sorrow or crying or pain” (Revelation 21:4). But until then, we are able to endure the pain, move forward in life, and establish a new normal without Austin.

The process of grieving in a way that moves us forward can be complex. In our book, From Pain 2 Purpose, we untangle some of that complexity so you can be led to grieve in a productive and healthy way and systematically move forward in your life.

The key question we want to answer for you is this: “How must I grieve in order to move forward?”

As you begin your journey through grief, it will help to remember that you’re not alone. You’re on this journey with a constant companion. Jesus will be present every step of the way.

Imagine that you’ve come humbly before the throne of grace. You’ve come to tell the Savior about your journey and about your grief. What would be his response? Isaiah 30:18 reveals the answer: “Yet the Lord longs to be gracious to you; therefore he will rise up to show you compassion” (NIV).

Pause quietly to meditate on the Lord. Use your imagination to picture Jesus sitting at the Father’s right hand. You approach the Savior and with humility begin to tell him about your grief, loss, and uncertainty. You tell him about your journey and your desire to move forward and experience a new future and hope. With compassion in his eyes, Jesus looks deep into your soul and sees you—really sees you. He rises from the throne of heaven with a heart full of tenderness to embrace you, to comfort you, and to love you. He whispers in your ear: I’ll be with you every step of this journey. You’re not alone. Now, let your heart feel the gratitude. Thank Jesus for being with you on this journey.

Jesus, I am grateful when I imagine you rising to show me compassion. I’m especially grateful for…