The Heart of a DisciplemakerSample

Day 4: A Fatherly Heart

Not only was Paul as gentle as a mother, he also played the role of father by “exhorting and encouraging and imploring each one of you as a father would his own children” (1 Thessalonians 2:11, NASB).

At times you’ll need to strongly exhort a new believer to take a bold step for which he feels unprepared. Sometimes you’ll need to prepare the person you’re helping to make it without you—just as a father prepares his child for independence. Sometimes your fathering role requires you to challenge another person to face up to a weakness or an obvious sin. It’s daunting—and risky. But a father is willing to take the risk in order to see his children walk with maturity.

Back to Adam. I still needed to talk with him as a spiritual father about his incessant rambling in conversation. It was visibly devastating his wife, Joan, who had little chance to talk. He didn’t realize that these rabbit-chasing, rambling soliloquies dishonored her. I hesitated to exhort as a father for fear of losing Adam’s friendship. Couldn’t I, too, be accused of rambling?

Finally, during one of our biweekly get-togethers at Margo’s Hot Dog Stand, I gathered up courage and said, “Adam, I’ve got a suggestion.” I told him courteously but frankly that he was violating a principle of good communication. And I gave examples of specific rabbits I’d seen him chase while Joan and others could only listen politely and check their watches. Silence. Uh-oh, I thought, he’s not taking this very well. Finally, he smiled and thanked me. Then he asked how to overcome this bad habit.

At our next Bible study, he caught himself rambling, stopped, glanced at me, and smiled. Joan smiled, too, and started contributing. That day at the hot dog stand, a victory was won—not just with Adam, but with me. God gave me grace to be more intent on pleasing Him than on pleasing Adam. God is the third party in a discipling relationship. He was present with Paul in Thessalonica; He was present with me at Margo’s; and He will be present with you, too. No one understands the father-heart of a discipler better than God.

Having the heart of a father doesn’t always mean correcting. Sometimes it’s a matter of encouraging or sharing a meaningful verse of Scripture. A good father considers the moment and asks, “What is most needed at this time?” A good father also realizes that children are different, so he deals with them individually.