How to Fight Fair and Fearless in Your Marriage by Treal RavenelSample

Fight Fair and Fearless!

There's nothing like hearing those three special words. No, I'm not talking about "I love you" but those three words, "I want out," referring to the marriage. These words are spoken when a spouse believes that they have outgrown the marriage or fallen out of love.

I work with countless wives and couples from all over the world and many have experienced this same thing. Many of them come to me distraught, frustrated, worried, and unsure of what will happen in their marriage in the days, weeks, months, and years ahead.

What I do know is that God created marriage for his glory. He made a marriage for the sole purpose of glorifying him and representing the world of Jesus' relationship to the church—the bride of Christ.

You may be facing a possible separation or divorce in your marriage and wondering how to fight fair and fearless under these circumstances. Let me explain what I mean by fighting fair and fearless in your marriage. You perhaps have heard relationship experts say, "you cannot force someone to stay with you who wants out." Some would agree that if someone has made up their mind and wants out of the marriage, it's in your best interest to let them go.

While there is some truth to that, you can fairly assess how that will look. You may need to allow your spouse some space and opportunity to think things over and through, including some self-reflection and internal work. Self-reflection helps ensure that their decision will not be due to emotions or any other characterization or attribute.

God has given us authority and power to demonstrate faith even in situations that look faithless and when all the facts point toward something wrong or bad. Even when you are losing, know that God is backing you. Fighting fair is simply fighting through prayer, fasting, and seeking God daily for wisdom, instructions, and direction.

Recall the story of Gideon in Judges, chapter 6, and how when God gave him instructions to fight, he questioned God? He challenged both the how and why.

Let's look at verses 13–16

13 "Pardon me, my lord," Gideon replied, "but if the Lord is with us, why has all this happened to us? Where are all his wonders that our ancestors told us about when they said, 'Did not the Lord bring us up out of Egypt?' But now the Lord has abandoned us and given us into the hand of Midian."

14The Lord turned to him and said, "Go in the strength you have and save Israel out of Midian's hand. Am I not sending you?"

15 "Pardon me, my lord," Gideon replied, "but how can I save Israel? My clan is the weakest in Manasseh, and I am the least in my family."

16 The Lord answered, "I will be with you, and you will strike down all the Midianites, leaving none alive."

God already assured Gideon that he was with him, and yet he still questioned God. Gideon didn't realize that he was in a fair fight and already had the advantage over his enemy.

You may feel like Gideon right now in asking God how and why this is happening. God wants to reassure you that it's a fair fight! What may not look like a fair fight to others or Satan it's a fair fight to God. I just stopped by to let you know that despite what's going on or what will happen, God has given you the advantage over your enemy!

Devotional Reflection: How have you seen God's hand over your marriage during this season? Don't just look for the glorious manifestation; see how God is subtly working on your behalf. Too often we believe that if God is quiet, if it isn't prominent, noisy, or noticeable, then He is not working on our behalf.