When You've Been Hurt by the Church Sample

Respond with humility

Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me and lead me in the way everlasting. Psalm 139:23-24 NIV

The ugly truth of some offenses is that we're not always innocent. If you've been sexually, emotionally, or physically abused, you have no obligation to feel at fault. However, we can see all parties played a role with some grievances. Perhaps, the rejection you felt by the ministry was after some unsettling comments you made. Maybe you felt like your gifting wasn't used, but the pastor had another plan to see you grow in ministry. A miscommunication could have been the root of the issue. I've even seen where a church member's social media feed was so divisive, political, or offensive that it caused tension within the entire church. Occasionally, the church hurt you experienced may be merely a symptom of a deeper issue within yourself that needs to be addressed. If you notice the same scenarios occurring in every ministry you are a part of, it may be time to ask the Lord to reveal areas you need to improve.

When dealing with church hurt, we must operate from a place of humility and not pride. The prideful nature of man will cause us to look to everyone else for what caused the issue. Our hearts will say, "Surely, the pastor could've done this better," "The pastor's wife needs to be more loving," and "Those people at that church need to fix themselves." Although all this may be true, this places all the blame on the outside and causes us never to take a moment of self-reflection.

I love what David says in Psalm 139:23-24, as he says, "Search me, Lord." David knew he wasn't perfect. He knew he had sinned before God and people by being an adulterer and a murderer. Yet, David was still a king. He could have taken a pompous approach and declared his enemies were to blame for his actions. Instead, he chose to recognize that for his world to change, he had to change.

Today, let's ask the Lord these questions and be willing to hear his response.

Is there anything I could have done better?

Did I respond in ways that were honoring to you, Lord?

What can I do differently the next time I encounter such issues?

How can I walk in humility in this difficult situation?

Let us remember all have sinned and fallen short, including us. We need God's grace daily. If we want to truly heal from church hurts, we must be willing to confront the sinful nature within us and ask God to show us ourselves. It may be hard and uncomfortable, especially if the hurt is tremendous. However, I want to encourage you that your choice to grow as a person is not for them, nor does it diminish what happened. Instead, it just reminds us how merciful our God is and keeps us from hurting someone else in our future.

Deeper Discussion

1. What stands out to you when you self-reflect on the church hurt you've experienced?
2. Are there any aspects of the experience you would apologize for if led by the Lord?
3. How can you avoid becoming prideful while journeying through the healing process?