Where Do You Attach Your Identity?

One of the biggest struggles in a fast-paced, entitled, “fix my problem now” Western world is the temptation to go to God to receive what we think we need for our doing rather than what we really need for our being. It’s like a teenager who runs home for a quick bite to eat, yells a courtesy, “I love you,” to his parents from the kitchen, and runs back out the door to find his identity in the world. All the while, Mom and Dad sit in the living room just waiting to spend time with their son.

Showing up for our biggest fans happens in its purest form when we feel loved by God. The apostle John wrote, “We love each other because he loved us first” (1 John 4:19). Anytime we look for love elsewhere, we’re eventually let down. It also leaves us vulnerable for chasing fame or significance in the wrong places.

Instead, our identity as a child of God changes how we show up in our roles on earth. All the other sources to which you try to attach your identity ultimately become burdens that will keep you enslaved to the chase. But being a son or daughter of God makes you an heir (Galatians 4:7). You are not only wanted; you are chosen.

As someone who had become immersed in a world enamored with position, social status, and advancement, these were monumental shifts for me. And one of the most significant parts of my journey was stepping into my own story, saying goodbye to identities that no longer served me well, and grieving what I was giving up. Because what’s birthed from a recognition of what we lose, is gratitude for what we gain. Job titles no longer matter. Time away for work is now filtered through the lens of how that travel impacts every member of your family. The measure of success and significance no longer needs to be about the winning approval of men and women but making an impact for eternity (Galatians 1:10).

And though you might lose what seem like good opportunities to the world, what you gain is a deeper connection with your biggest fans—your spouse and kids. In an upside-down way, the joy I experience in the smaller moments with my kids allows me to show up with more joy and confidence in the seemingly grander moments on stage. Being famous at home helps me to show up as a truer version of myself in all I’m called to do.

Our presence in the moment is one of the greatest gifts we can give to one another—and to ourselves. But we first must learn to say no to the identities that rob us of our ability to be present in the moment. You know what’s driving you. Stealing your time. Distracting your attention. Whenever you say yes to one thing, you say no to something else. And when your family gets the brunt of the no, there’s likely something out of place.